Once we learn to see clearly what our par­tic­u­lar pat­tern is, it no longer has power over us.

Living Now - - Self Awareness -

Feel­ing lonely can cre­ate a bar­rier between you and the world. A friend of mine de­scribed this with an im­age: she is stand­ing be­hind a glass wall and she is look­ing at all these peo­ple on the other side but she can’t join them. Or as the English/ir­ish poet David Whyte elo­quently wrote: “lone­li­ness can be a prison, a place from which we look out at a world we can­not in­habit…”.

A con­trac­tion in the phys­i­cal and emo­tional bod­ies can be de­scribed as ex­pe­ri­enc­ing fear. Many hu­mans have a ten­dency to with­draw or pull away when we feel afraid. When you un­con­sciously en­gage in this habit, it might be dif­fi­cult for oth­ers to find ac­cess to you. If you pull away, you usu­ally cut off con­nec­tion with oth­ers and with the ex­ter­nal en­vi­ron­ment. You might even avoid in­ti­macy, which can con­trib­ute to a sense of sep­a­ra­tion that could al­ready ex­ist. Sur­pris­ingly, some of us might even be afraid of be­long­ing. We might be so used to be­ing dif­fer­ent, to stand­ing apart and feel­ing like we don’t be­long, that to al­low our­selves to ex­pe­ri­ence be­long­ing feels un­com­fort­able and awk­ward. We might even de­velop a strong re­sis­tance to close­ness with an­other hu­man be­ing. To feel like we have quite a lot in com­mon with oth­ers might feel threat­en­ing to our al­ready es­tab­lished iden­tity, of be­ing ‘not like every­one else’.

Even though nu­mer­ous blocks to love and be­long­ing ex­ist, it doesn’t mean that they are in­sur­mount­able. Once we learn to see clearly what our par­tic­u­lar pat­tern is, it no longer has power over us. From here we can learn to ex­pe­ri­ence more be­long­ing than ever be­fore. ■

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Australia

© PressReader. All rights reserved.