Once we learn to see clearly what our particular pattern is, it no longer has power over us.
Feeling lonely can create a barrier between you and the world. A friend of mine described this with an image: she is standing behind a glass wall and she is looking at all these people on the other side but she can’t join them. Or as the English/irish poet David Whyte eloquently wrote: “loneliness can be a prison, a place from which we look out at a world we cannot inhabit…”.
A contraction in the physical and emotional bodies can be described as experiencing fear. Many humans have a tendency to withdraw or pull away when we feel afraid. When you unconsciously engage in this habit, it might be difficult for others to find access to you. If you pull away, you usually cut off connection with others and with the external environment. You might even avoid intimacy, which can contribute to a sense of separation that could already exist. Surprisingly, some of us might even be afraid of belonging. We might be so used to being different, to standing apart and feeling like we don’t belong, that to allow ourselves to experience belonging feels uncomfortable and awkward. We might even develop a strong resistance to closeness with another human being. To feel like we have quite a lot in common with others might feel threatening to our already established identity, of being ‘not like everyone else’.
Even though numerous blocks to love and belonging exist, it doesn’t mean that they are insurmountable. Once we learn to see clearly what our particular pattern is, it no longer has power over us. From here we can learn to experience more belonging than ever before. ■