| Three ef­fec­tive prin­ci­ples to over­com­ing lone­li­ness

Lone­li­ness af­fects many peo­ple, at dif­fer­ent times and to vary­ing de­grees in their lives. Here are 3 prin­ci­ples to over­come it.

Living Now - - Contents - by Tony J. Se­limi

Liv­ing in the era of per­pet­ual glob­al­i­sa­tion and rapid tech­no­log­i­cal ad­vance­ments af­fects our per­cep­tion of the world and in­creases the rate at which we are ex­pected to do more things with less time. This fast-paced, hy­per­ki­netic way of liv­ing im­pacts our well-be­ing, our men­tal health, and the way in which we in­ter­act with one an­other.

Our sur­vival in­stincts start to be trig­gered more of­ten, each time our in­ner be­ing is out of its nat­u­ral state of bal­ance. Fear of fail­ure, re­jec­tion, and of not be­ing good enough can take over. Many of us end up ex­pe­ri­enc­ing low lev­els of self-re­spect, self-con­fi­dence, and self-worth, which im­pact our in­trin­sic abil­ity for so­cial in­clu­sion, con­nec­tion, and re­la­tion­ship build­ing.


Liv­ing life in these dis­em­pow­ered states can pre­vent us from be­ing able to tackle head-on the many life ad­ver­si­ties and over­whelm­ing num­ber of chal­lenges pre­sented by the en­vi­ron­ment in which we all live. Many of us ex­pose our­selves to sit­u­a­tions, peo­ple, and ex­pe­ri­ences that evoke feel­ings of lone­li­ness. If this in­ner void, empti­ness and dis­cord is al­lowed to dwell in your be­ing, it can build mo­men­tum. It can grow even big­ger, and, be­fore long, spi­ral out of con­trol.

Other fac­tors to watch out for that may trig­ger lone­li­ness are: loss of a loved one, re­la­tion­ship break down, and mar­i­tal dis­in­te­gra­tion.

Lone­li­ness ap­pears in many shapes and forms, in­clud­ing tran­si­tional, acute, and chronic. The one that is most com­monly ex­pe­ri­enced is tran­si­tional. This type of lone­li­ness fre­quently ap­pears in an acute form and is of­ten an im­per­ma­nent con­di­tion.

The in­ten­sity of the feel­ing of lone­li­ness varies from per­son to per­son and is unique to each one of us. It is com­monly linked to the de­vel­op­ment of our men­tal ca­pac­ity of self-de­fen­sive mech­a­nisms and re­sis­tance to­wards the strong psy­cho-neu­ro­log­i­cal stim­uli. If it is not ad­dressed, it can turn into a chronic con­di­tion that can dom­i­nate our con­scious­ness and de­te­ri­o­rate our psy­cho­so­matic well-be­ing.


There are many ways that lone­li­ness can be fos­tered. Some peo­ple may be deal­ing with stress­ful sit­u­a­tions that shake their per­sonal equi­lib­rium and con­tam­i­nate their men­tal home­osta­sis. If the stress of daily life is not ac­knowl­edged, it can be­come a ma­jor vec­tor that brakes through men­tal fron­tiers and make our iden­tity struc­ture vul­ner­a­ble and prone to lone­li­ness and so­cial iso­la­tion.

There are count­less other forms of lone­li­ness associated with a vast num­ber of ex­ter­nal trig­gers. Each de­cep­tive feel­ing that re­sides in each form is like a cam­ou­flage, a hid­den temp­ta­tion to our senses, and a mi­rage for our per­cep­tions that very of­ten many can­not even recog­nise. If it pen­e­trates your in­ner world, men­tal sta­bil­ity is en­dan­gered and it’s pos­si­ble you’ll em­bark on a long emo­tional train ride called soli­tude.


Lone­li­ness leads to mul­ti­ple bio­chem­i­cal changes in our so­matic sys­tem. It ac­ti­vates the process of ox­ida­tive stress. This con­se­quently leads to­wards in­flam­ma­tion and fur­ther re­lease of count­less num­ber of stress rad­i­cals. These chem­i­cal sub­stances can cause

mor­pho­log­i­cal dam­age, mainly to the stress-ex­posed or­gans, such as the di­ges­tive and blood cir­cu­la­tory sys­tems.

In its chronic form, lone­li­ness con­trib­utes to the changes in our phys­i­o­log­i­cal home­osta­sis by trig­ger­ing ex­ces­sive pro­duc­tion of the stress re­lated hor­mones, such as cor­ti­sol, and re­leas­ing them into the blood stream. This leads to pos­si­ble so­matic dis­or­ders such as high blood pres­sure, heart fail­ure, di­a­betes, and obe­sity.

Our cog­ni­tive ca­pa­bil­ity is also im­pacted by lone­li­ness. It blocks the pro­duc­tion of en­dor­phins in our brain. When this hap­pens, we start to ex­pe­ri­ence feel­ings of anx­i­ety, psy­cho­log­i­cal in­tol­er­ance, and psy­cho­log­i­cal vul­ner­a­bil­ity. Lack of dopamine and en­dor­phins in our brain are re­lated to a high in­ci­dence of de­pres­sion, OCD, emo­tional dis­tor­tion, sleep dis­or­ders, and other dam­ag­ing con­di­tions. This vi­cious cy­cle im­pacts our qual­ity of life and can shorten our longevity. n

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Tony J. Se­limi is in­ter­na­tion­ally known as a hu­man be­hav­iour, cognition, and emo­tional in­tel­li­gence ex­pert. He is a keynote speaker, en­tre­pre­neur, and the cre­ator of the TJS Evo­lu­tion­ary Method. He is an award-win­ning and in­ter­na­tional best­selling au­thor, and teaches self-mas­tery for the ac­cel­er­a­tion of hu­man po­ten­tial.

Lone­li­ness ap­pears in many shapes and forms, in­clud­ing tran­si­tional, acute, and chronic.

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