My wallet is like an onion, when I open it, it makes me cry.
Did you know?
In the American state of Vermont, women must have written permission from their husband to wear false teeth.
Where can you find roads but no cars, forests but no trees and cities but no houses?
Seen outside a school in Maryland, US: “Parkland Magnet Middle School for Aerospace Technology, 4610 West Frankfort Drive. Annual Horse Manure Sale Call school for details.”
Seen at Browns Bar in Coventry, UK: “Fire Exit. Mined the Step.”
On the menu
Strange menu translations: “Leeks fried stupid egg,” Seen in
“The French Vanilla burns Yang Ba,” Seen somewhere in Asia.
“Iron saucepan unwearied effort however squid,” competition at Powneys Newsagency, Bendigo, during the holidays … Just before school went back she was rung with the news that she had won a prize
Heathcote Bowling Club Ladies held their annual Ladies Charity Day last Wednesday, and this year the charity to benefit is the Peter McCallum Cancer Institute. The eventual winners of the mixed competition were Doug Kennedy (s), Henry Morcom, Phyllis Newton and Margaret Richie.
At the February meeting of the McIvor Council, further references were made to the efforts being made to get official sanction for the establishment of a sleeper depot at Heathcote if the goods rail service is later withdrawn
Mr D W (Pat) Hagan, who has given many years of service to the Tooborac Football Club as a player and administrator, has been elected head of the club for the 1966 season.
At the February meeting of the McIvor Shire Council, references were made to a recent complaint that local travelers were unable to get on the road service that caters for Heathcote, and it was reported that the matter had been satisfactorily settled … Of 11 passengers on the morning of the complaint, nine were returning travelers who had not booked. “Had they booked their seats, as they were supposed to do, a second bus would have been brought into service,” the Shire Secretary (Mr D Maxwell) said…
We would remind certain folk that it is absolutely useless calling at this office complaining of their names being published in connection with police court cases. At the same time they may as well make a mental note of the fact that it is also useless to complain of the style in which these reports are written up, as our scribe just adopts whatever method pleases him. If these people do not wish publicity given to their names and doings then let them keep out of court.
Another one of our local soldiers, Private A. Hocking, who was wounded while on active service, returned home on Tuesday by the mid-day train. He looked well, despite the fact that he is suffering from an injury to his right leg. The station platform was decorated with flags and greenery in honour of the occasion. The Rev. W. M. Madgwick greeted the returned hero into our midst again, in the first place as a member of his congregation, and then on behalf of the citizens of Heathcote. He said that although Pte. Hocking had not been to the actual front, he had rendered yeoman service where he had been, and was therefore entitled to every comfort which we could give him and his family while they reside here … Three cheers were then given for the returned soldier, and one for the Allies. Many expressions of disgust were heard at the absence of our leading citizens upon this occasion, and the opinion was freely expressed that it was not very patriotic of them.
We may envy Queensland’s year-round warm weather, particularly as we shiver our way through winter, but there’s one thing Queenslanders can keep all for themselves, pythons. According to Sunshine Coast Snake Catchers 24/7, a staggering one in three homes in south-east Queensland has a snake living in its roof! And while most are fairly harmless, one couple living in Maroochy River came close to losing their home recently to fire after a massive python decided to take up residence inside one of the walls of their home. The problem was the giant slippery freeloader had perched itself directly behind a power point, and right up against the wiring. Had the snake not sustained a serious electrical burn that caused smoke to pass through the empty power sockets, the snake may not have been found before it caused a power surge that would most likely have cost the couple their home. The python is recovering at Australia Zoo.
Have a laugh
There was a massive explosion at the local gunpowder factory. Once all the mess had been cleared up, the inquiry began. One of the few survivors was called up to make a statement. “Okay Simpson,” the investigator said. “You were near the scene. What happened?” “Well, it’s like this. Old Charlie Higgins was in the mixing room and I saw him take a cigarette out of his pocket and light up.” “He was smoking in the mixing room?” the investigator said in stunned horror. “How long had he been with the company?” “About 20 years, sir.” “Twenty years in the company, then he goes and strikes a match in the mixing room. I’d have thought it would have been the last thing he’d have done.” “It was, sir.”
‘‘When you’re happy, you enjoy the music. But when you’re sad, you understand the lyrics.”