My one true love is the workweek ending.
Did you know?
The Catholic Church struck St. Valentine’s Day from its official calendar in 1969.
If the clock pendulum swings 10 times to the right and 10 times to the left, how often does it pass through the middle?
Seen on a park bench: “Missed connection: You were the girl sitting on this park bench, I was the guy fighting a duck for my pants and losing. If you saw me please call me …”
(For men) A selection of Valentines gifts almost guaranteed to secure you a spot in the dog house:
A bulk pack of deodorant or breath-freshener. A slimmers club membership. A Happy Meal from you know where. A pre-paid funeral. Paul McKenna’s book Make You Thin’.
An assortment products.
A card originally bought for someone else, with their name crossed out and yours added.
Seen in the personals column: “Hi out there! I am a young-at-heart lady, 49. Some things I enjoy are people, life, being honest and sincere, dining and dancing, quiet evenings, nature, laughing, family and friends, movies, music, my job and some sports. If you are a man that enjoys similar things, I would like to eat you. Do drop me a line...”
“For Sale: Nordictrack 505 Cross-country ski machine, new price $525, will sell for $250; Tunturi rowing machine, new price $159.95, will sell for $50. These machines are in perfect condition, unlike their owner. Contact Fat Eddy at....”
A word that isn’t actually a word but should be:
‘Textpectation’ (n): The anticipa- the highway south of Tooborac on Friday morning about 9 o’clock in a head-on collision between two cars.
The following are the examination results of the Presentation Convent, Heathcote for 1966: Form V (Leaving Certificate): Frances Nihill, Beatrice Ventura; Form IV (Intermediate Certificate): Lilian Ayres, Lorina Barri, Mary Cervai, Barbara Don, Paula Jephson, Maryann Wright; Junior Government Scholarship Awards: Maree Johnstone, Janette Ellis, Kathleen Wright and Maryann Jephson; Australian Music Examination Board, 1966, Pianoforte – First Grade: Mary Louise Farley (honours), Marie Dowd (honours), Maureen McCarthy (credit); Third Grade: Maryanne Wright (honours).
The McIvor Times & Rodney Advertiser,
February 8, 1917 Ghosts can pass through a keyhole, but the Shepparton magistrate has ruled that a farmer can't live in one – even if he is a closer settler. A thistle inspector had put a notice to cut in the keyhole of the defendant's door, but the magistrate ruled that the keyhole was not the thistle fancier's abode or part thereof, as required by law, and that notice would have to be served again.