Weekly sticker

McIvor Times - - RABBIT STEW - Of clean­ing Seen the clas­si­fieds: ‘I Can 100 years ago

My one true love is the work­week end­ing.

Did you know?

The Catholic Church struck St. Valen­tine’s Day from its of­fi­cial cal­en­dar in 1969.


If the clock pen­du­lum swings 10 times to the right and 10 times to the left, how of­ten does it pass through the mid­dle?

Silly signs

Seen on a park bench: “Missed con­nec­tion: You were the girl sit­ting on this park bench, I was the guy fight­ing a duck for my pants and los­ing. If you saw me please call me …”

Valen­tines don’ts

(For men) A se­lec­tion of Valen­tines gifts al­most guar­an­teed to se­cure you a spot in the dog house:

A bulk pack of de­odor­ant or breath-fresh­ener. A slim­mers club mem­ber­ship. A Happy Meal from you know where. A pre-paid funeral. Paul McKenna’s book Make You Thin’.

An as­sort­ment prod­ucts.

A card orig­i­nally bought for some­one else, with their name crossed out and yours added.

News­pa­per hu­mour

Seen in the per­son­als col­umn: “Hi out there! I am a young-at-heart lady, 49. Some things I en­joy are peo­ple, life, be­ing hon­est and sin­cere, din­ing and danc­ing, quiet evenings, na­ture, laugh­ing, fam­ily and friends, movies, mu­sic, my job and some sports. If you are a man that en­joys sim­i­lar things, I would like to eat you. Do drop me a line...”

“For Sale: Nor­dic­track 505 Cross-coun­try ski ma­chine, new price $525, will sell for $250; Tun­turi row­ing ma­chine, new price $159.95, will sell for $50. These ma­chines are in per­fect con­di­tion, un­like their owner. Con­tact Fat Eddy at....”

Should-be word

A word that isn’t ac­tu­ally a word but should be:

‘Textpec­ta­tion’ (n): The an­tic­ipa- the high­way south of Toob­o­rac on Fri­day morn­ing about 9 o’clock in a head-on col­li­sion between two cars.

The fol­low­ing are the ex­am­i­na­tion re­sults of the Presentation Con­vent, Heath­cote for 1966: Form V (Leav­ing Cer­tifi­cate): Frances Ni­hill, Beatrice Ven­tura; Form IV (In­ter­me­di­ate Cer­tifi­cate): Lil­ian Ayres, Lo­rina Barri, Mary Cer­vai, Barbara Don, Paula Jeph­son, Maryann Wright; Ju­nior Gov­ern­ment Schol­ar­ship Awards: Ma­ree John­stone, Janette El­lis, Kath­leen Wright and Maryann Jeph­son; Aus­tralian Mu­sic Ex­am­i­na­tion Board, 1966, Pianoforte – First Grade: Mary Louise Far­ley (hon­ours), Marie Dowd (hon­ours), Mau­reen McCarthy (credit); Third Grade: Maryanne Wright (hon­ours).

The McIvor Times & Rod­ney Ad­ver­tiser,

Fe­bru­ary 8, 1917 Ghosts can pass through a key­hole, but the Shep­par­ton mag­is­trate has ruled that a farmer can't live in one – even if he is a closer set­tler. A this­tle in­spec­tor had put a no­tice to cut in the key­hole of the de­fen­dant's door, but the mag­is­trate ruled that the key­hole was not the this­tle fancier's abode or part thereof, as re­quired by law, and that no­tice would have to be served again.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Australia

© PressReader. All rights reserved.