When you become ‘Mum’
Having a baby has an impact on all your relationships – particularly with your own mother
No matter how well you prepare for motherhood, the impact it has on your relationship with your mum will always come as a surprise.
Psychotherapist Rosjke Hasseldine, an expert on mother-daughter relationships, says having a child is one of the biggest points of change in a mother-daughter relationship. ”It’s up there with getting married. When a woman becomes a mum, she spends a lot of time looking at her own mother and the mothering she received growing up,” Rosjke says. ”That analysis... starts the moment a woman gets pregnant. Any flaws in their relationship come to the fore.”
When a woman becomes pregnant for the first time, she may discover how much – or in some cases, how little – care is given by her family. “This is a time in a daughter’s life when she needs a lot of support and nurturing herself,” says Rosjke. “If that’s simply not how her mother operates, it can become quite a problem. A new mum can be left feeling unsupported, let down and angry with her mum.”
This is confounded by generational differences. “Today’s mums want to be women in their own right, whereas their mothers [may have been] part of a generation defined by motherhood,” says Rosjke. “I hear many daughters, who may have a career and want to