When you be­come ‘Mum’

Hav­ing a baby has an im­pact on all your re­la­tion­ships – par­tic­u­larly with your own mother

Mother & Baby (Australia) - - Yourtoddler -

No mat­ter how well you pre­pare for moth­er­hood, the im­pact it has on your re­la­tion­ship with your mum will al­ways come as a sur­prise.

Psy­chother­a­pist Rosjke Has­sel­dine, an ex­pert on mother-daugh­ter re­la­tion­ships, says hav­ing a child is one of the big­gest points of change in a mother-daugh­ter re­la­tion­ship. ”It’s up there with get­ting mar­ried. When a woman be­comes a mum, she spends a lot of time look­ing at her own mother and the mother­ing she re­ceived grow­ing up,” Rosjke says. ”That anal­y­sis... starts the mo­ment a woman gets preg­nant. Any flaws in their re­la­tion­ship come to the fore.”

When a woman be­comes preg­nant for the first time, she may dis­cover how much – or in some cases, how lit­tle – care is given by her fam­ily. “This is a time in a daugh­ter’s life when she needs a lot of sup­port and nur­tur­ing her­self,” says Rosjke. “If that’s sim­ply not how her mother op­er­ates, it can be­come quite a prob­lem. A new mum can be left feel­ing un­sup­ported, let down and an­gry with her mum.”

This is con­founded by gen­er­a­tional dif­fer­ences. “To­day’s mums want to be women in their own right, whereas their moth­ers [may have been] part of a gen­er­a­tion de­fined by moth­er­hood,” says Rosjke. “I hear many daugh­ters, who may have a ca­reer and want to

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