THE embarrassing THINGS KIDS SAY
AA MUST-READMUST FOR PARENTS
It seems more mortifying if the target of your offending offspring’s remark is a stranger rather than a friend
SO you’re walking down the street with your child and they bellow something notso adorable like: “Mummy, why is that man so fat/ Look, that lady has a funny nose/ Hey, that boy looks like a bottom*.” What do you do? Obviously if the equipment is to hand you immediately dig an enormous hole and shove your child into it and then fling yourself in as well.
Otherwise the usual response is to get incredibly flustered** and mutter something like: “Well, dear, everybody has a different shape/ all noses are funny, when you think about it/ really now, I hardly think he looks like a bottom … oh … yes.”
Then you silently mouth “sorry” to the injured party and make a mental note to explain to your child the concept of an inner monologue.
What’s worse is if it’s someone else’s kid who’s with you and made the dodgy remark.
In that case it’s important to quickly distance yourself from ownership of said child and responsibility for their poor upbringing, by loudly saying within everyone’s earshot: “Goodness me Billy, what an odd thing to say — I must remember to tell YOUR MOTHER all about it.”
Here are some unintentionally cringe-worthy things little tykes can blurt out:
That lady is having a baby (nope, she’s not pregnant)
Are you their grandma? (nope, I’m just going grey)
What’s that thing on your face? (just put a cork in it, would you kid?)
It smells funny at their house (it’s now time to deploy the emergency parachute).
Oddly, it seems more mortifying to a parent if the target of your offending offspring’s remark is a stranger rather than a friend.
At least with a mate you can hopefully laugh about it later, like my perfectly attractive friend who’s recovering graciously after my daughter, on seeing one of their family photos, remarked to her daughter: “Wow, your mum used to be really pretty ... when she was young.”
Size, shape, age, colour, noses — kids have got an embarrassing observation about all of these. Let me apologise again to anyone who’s copped one from mine.
And an extra shout-out to the handsome black guy at whom my child pointed excitedly and cried out: “Look Mum … it’s The Obama!”
* If the child speaking is a four-year-old boy
** Of course, experts discourage the flustering