Straight talk­ing on the Cen­sus ques­tions

Un­paid do­mes­tic work … well, yes, there is that

Mt Druitt - St Mary's Standard (East) - - NEWS - Mi­randa Mur­phy is a mother of three and a jour­nal­ist at The Aus­tralian.

WITH last week’s Cen­sus 2016 night be­ing Of­fi­cially A Sham­bles, we – like many of our coun­try folk – were un­able to lodge our form on­line.

We’ve got a few weeks still to get it in but I fig­ured I’d do the poor old Aus­tralian Bureau of Sta­tis­tics a favour and just com­plete my Cen­sus here so they can cut it out and stick it on the ABS fridge for use when they’re ready. Here goes:

Who re­sides at this ad­dress: Two grown-ups; three small­ish chil­dren; two enor­mous gold­fish pos­si­bly about to be sneak­ily re­lo­cated to the neigh­bours’ pond; one dear lit­tle skink that lives on our fire­place; a ba­jil­lion pantry moths.

Male or fe­male: Var­i­ous. Can’t be sure about the fish or the skink.

What is the per­son’s re­la­tion­ship to Per­son 1/Per­son 2: Per­son 2 is the one who leans over Per­son 1’s shoul­der while they fill in the Cen­sus form and makes help­ful sug­ges­tions like “you’ve filled out that bit wrong”.

Mar­i­tal sta­tus: May be head­ing for divorce very shortly as a re­sult of Per­son 2 in­ter­fer­ing with Per­son 1’s work on said Cen­sus form.

Ances­try: 100 per cent freckly red­head.

Lan­guages spo­ken at home: English, whin­ing, shout­ing, curs­ing, poo jokes.

Oc­cu­pa­tion: Dad: works, at work. Mum: part-time jour­nal­ist. Chil­dren: pri­mary school stu­dents, mostly full­time ex­cept when suc­cess­ful in con­vinc­ing Per­son 1 or 2 of a tummy ache.

Fam­ily in­come: All spent at Colesworths.

Is this dwelling owned out­right: Oh statis­ti­cians, you do make us laugh.

For Syd­neysiders the Cen­sus has help­fully pre-ticked the ‘no’ box.

Num­ber of bed­rooms: Hey ABS – does one room ‘shared’ by two kids, divided down the mid­dle by a length of mask­ing tape, count as two bed­rooms?

Num­ber of Match­box.

Does the house­hold use the in­ter­net: Lit­tle did the Cen­sus know how bril­liantly ironic this ques­tion would turn out to be. A bet­ter query would be: does the Aus­tralian Bureau of Sta­tis­tics use the in­ter­net?

And fi­nally … In the last week did the per­son spend time do­ing un­paid do­mes­tic work for their house­hold? Sigh. Do not start me, Cen­sus, do NOT even start me. cars: Fol­low me on Twit­ter @mur­phymi­randa 147

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