Last tango in An­dorra

Fol­low­ing last is­sue’s rev­e­la­tions of the stan­dover tac­tics em­ployed by such ruf­fi­ans as Al­fonso “Skid­mark” Sci­p­i­one and the Slud­getrap gang, we have been alerted to sim­i­lar ne­far­i­ous go­ings on within the mo­tor­cy­cle com­mu­nity be­tween the wars.

Old Bike Australasia - - CLUB DIRECTORY & MARKETPLACE - Edgar Jes­sop

One such con­cerns Paulo “Chrome­dome” Gom­petz and his at­trac­tive side­kick Fiona Flib­ber­ti­gib­bet, who made count­less in­cur­sions, sweep­ing across the Con­ti­nent and lib­er­at­ing wealth from the fool­ish and the gullible. This of­ten led to spir­ited po­lice chases as Gom­pertz fled the crime scene and headed for the po­lit­i­cal im­mu­nity af­forded by his res­i­dence in An­dorra. How­ever, on sev­eral oc­ca­sions he was ap­pre­hended due to the fail­ure of his ve­hi­cle, an em­bar­rass­ing sit­u­a­tion that was only res­cued by the au­thor­i­ties’ ap­petite for ‘com­pen­sa­tion’. Gom­pertz’ brother, Lu­ciano, a skilled me­chanic as well as an in­sa­tiable lothario, cre­ated a unique get­away ve­hi­cle by com­bin­ing the rear sec­tion of an aban­doned Spag­forth Scut­tle­butt with the front of a con­verted light per­son­nel car­rier, com­plete with ar­mour plat­ing. The Scut­tle­butt, with its pow­er­ful 12 litre v-twin engine, was ca­pa­ble of a top speed of 335 km/h, but pos­sessed of a prodi­gious thirst, re­turn­ing less than 250 me­tres per litre (0.75 mpg). This re­quired con­vert­ing the en­tire front half of the ve­hi­cle, which Lu­ciano named Ji­ga­jig af­ter his favourite sport, to a petrol tank hold­ing 550 litres (122.2 gal­lons). Ex­tra fuel was car­ried in con­tain­ers above the front axle, on the roof, and in the front tyres. In their adopted home town of Sant Julià de Lòria, Paulo and Fiona en­joyed celebrity sta­tus, their largesse and fond­ness for lav­ish par­ties at­tract­ing a wide cir­cle of bootlick­ers and syco­phants. Vast crowds of well wish­ers would turn out to see the no­to­ri­ous duo em­bark on their lat­est es­capade, and would also line the streets to wel­come them home, where­upon they would be show­ered with sur­plus for­eign cur­rency. Edgar Jes­sop was a fre­quent din­ner party guest as he kept a tax-haven villa at nearby Santa Coloma. Alas, one day, Gom­pertz and Flib­ber­ti­gib­bet did not re­turn. Their acolytes kept up a vigil for days un­til one by one they drifted away, un­re­warded and dis­il­lu­sioned. Even­tu­ally news fil­tered in that Ji­ga­jig had splut­tered to a halt, de­void of essence, just a few kilo­me­tres from the safety of the An­dor­ran bor­der, where it was seized by the pur­su­ing agents of the law. As the duo pre­pared to face hun­dreds of charges pur­suant to their out­law ex­is­tence, Ji­ga­jig was de­clared an as­set ac­quired us­ing the pro­ceeds of crime and con­fis­cated. It was later pur­chased by the Sul­tan of Brunei and used for cer­e­mo­nial du­ties be­fore he deemed it “too ex­pen­sive to run” and sold it for scrap.

Sur­rounded by toadys, “Chrome­dome” Gom­pertz and Fiona Flib­ber­ti­gib­bet pre­pare to leave An­dorra in Ji­ga­jig for an­other smash and grab raid in France.

Lu­ciano Gom­pertz con­duct­ing shake-down runs in the newly-com­pleted Ji­ga­jig.

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