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GET WELL MARGO

We have heard that Margo Mo­ran, wife of John ‘The Fer­ret’ Mo­ran, had a fall re­cently, re­sult­ing in a frac­ture of her right hip.

Margo is 88 and will need to un­dergo surgery as soon as pos­si­ble. She is the pa­tron for Rock­hamp­ton’s CQ Con­voy, which is tak­ing place on Septem­ber 2.

All the best for Margo and John, and we wish Margo a quick re­cov­ery.

MANIC AT MARULAN

Be very aware when pulling into the Marulan weigh­bridge. There’s a par­tic­u­larly per­nick­ety of­fi­cer who is in­ter­pret­ing the over­load­ing reg­u­la­tions down to the last kilo­gram.

Un­for­tu­nately, there’s no way of avoid­ing it when trav­el­ling along the Hume. At the very least you’ll be wast­ing hours while the of­fi­cer in ques­tion has his fun.

FORK­LIFT AP­PLI­CA­TION

Mur­phy ap­plied for a fork­lift op­er­a­tor post at a fa­mous Ir­ish firm based in Dublin. A Nor­we­gian ap­plied for the same job and since both ap­pli­cants had sim­i­lar qual­i­fi­ca­tions, they were asked to take a test and led to a quiet room with no in­ter­rup­tions by the man­ager. When the re­sults were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20.

The man­ager went to Mur­phy and said, “Thank you for com­ing to the in­ter­view, but we’ve de­cided to give the Nor­we­gian the job.”

Mur­phy asked, “And why would you be do­ing that? We both got 19 ques­tions cor­rect – this be­ing Ire­land, and me be­ing Ir­ish, surely I should get the job.”

The man­ager replied, “We have made our de­ci­sion not on the cor­rect answers, but on the ques­tion you got wrong.”

“And just how would one in­cor­rect an­swer be bet­ter than another?” Mur­phy queried.

The man­ager ex­plained, “Sim­ple; on ques­tion num­ber seven the Nor­we­gian wrote down, ‘I don’t know’. You put down, ‘Nei­ther do I.’”

GREAT SCOTTY!

It’s been re­ported that erst­while Owner/ Driver editorial con­trib­u­tor Scotty Douglas has been as­saulted by grey no­mads at Queens­land truck stop.

Scotty was held in hospi­tal for ob­ser­va­tion af­ter re­ceiv­ing mi­nor in­juries as a re­sult of be­ing pelted by cu­cum­ber sand­wiches and Clix crack­ers.

Lo­cal au­thor­i­ties are pay­ing special at­ten­tion to those who left com­ments in re­ply to Scotty’s rant on this mag­a­zine’s web­site www.own­er­driver.com.au as they con­tinue their in­ves­ti­ga­tion.

MORE ON SCOTTY

Word has it that Scotty Douglas’s brother Dar­ryl and his girl­friend Shar­lene – Dazza and Shazza to their mates – have been hit with a big fine in Eridunda for run­ning a driv­ing school with­out the proper qual­i­fi­ca­tions.

The cou­ple have al­legedly been teach­ing grey no­mads how to cou­ple up car­a­vans, camper trail­ers and the like, and how to de­mand their rights to the road when trav­el­ing in com­pany with large ar­tic­u­lated truck com­bi­na­tions.

The driv­ing school, though un­li­censed and unofficial, is run

from the cou­ple’s vet­eran Vis­count car­a­van and has been a huge suc­cess ac­cord­ing to many at­ten­dees, with most cit­ing a tremen­dous sense of con­fi­dence in a new-found abil­ity to travel with a re­laxed, al­most eu­phoric ig­no­rance fol­low­ing the ap­pli­ca­tion of Dazza’s driv­ing prin­ci­ples and Shazza’s spe­cially for­mu­lated nasal re­lax­ant. To avoid fu­ture fines, the cou­ple have moved the car­a­van south to the tourist hot spot of Coober Pedy.

NO FUEL AT SERVOS

It seems that the min­ing in­dus­try’s down­turn is hav­ing an ef­fect on the liveli­hood of some ser­vice sta­tion op­er­a­tors in West­ern Aus­tralia’s north-west.

At one stage they were re­duced to sell­ing food only, and no fuel.

Too bad if you had a fuel card. Things may be on the up and up how­ever, with the par­ent com­pany com­ing to the aid of the fran­chise own­ers.

FACE­BOOK SUB­STI­TUTE

Milo the truckie has de­cided to give up on so­cial me­dia and is try­ing to make friends out­side of Face­book while ap­ply­ing the same prin­ci­ples.

Ev­ery day Milo walks down the street and tells passers-by what he’s eaten, how he feels, what he did the night be­fore, and what he will do to­mor­row.

He then shows them pic­tures of his fam­ily, his dog, and his ef­forts at grow­ing a gi­ant pump­kin for the next agri­cul­tural show.

He lis­tens to their con­ver­sa­tions and tells them he loves them. It works. He al­ready has three peo­ple fol­low­ing him – two po­lice of­fi­cers and a psy­chi­a­trist.

DUCK SUR­PRISE

A small-town cop­per pulls over an old man in a light rig be­cause the bed of his truck is full of ducks.

The cop­per says, “Sir, it is un­ac­cept­able to have this many ducks in the back of a ute, es­pe­cially in the main street of town. Take them to the zoo this in­stant!”

The old man says he will and drives off. The next day the of­fi­cer sees the same man in the same truck still full of ducks. Only this time all the ducks are wear­ing sun­glasses. The of­fi­cer pulls him over again and yells, “I told you to take th­ese ducks to the zoo!” The old man replies, “I did! But now the lit­tle bug­gers want to go to the beach!”

UNION DAZZLES

The Trans­port Work­ers Union (TWU) may feel that it’s the voice of Aussie truck driv­ers but there was some doubt cast re­cently on how in tune the union ac­tu­ally is with the in­dus­try.

Our spy was ne­go­ti­at­ing evening traf­fic on a Perth free­way when he no­ticed a ute daz­zling ev­ery­one with its wanker (fog) lights on.

Turns out it was a nicely sign writ­ten TWU Ford Ranger. Oops!

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