TIME SINCE LAUNCH
The battle for most indulgent and borderline useless timepiece goes ever on, and the PCTA Labs’ treasured Mr Wolf flip clock (where instead of numbers, there are pictures you have to interpret as numbers, like an old US bomber for the number 52, geddit?) still reigns supreme. Though Mr Wolf needs to watch out: a new contender has arisen, combining a time readout that means nothing for day-to-day usage with a “pull the pin to start the clock” aesthetic, creating a sensation that really cannot be described any other way than “ultimate wank”.
This is an attractive piece of desk ornamentation with its gasketed aluminium end-caps and borosilicate glass tube. All the artfully exposed electronic connectors are gold-plated, and it uses a Maxim Integrated DS3231 temperature-compensated crystal oscillator chip to count time for the entirety of its 40-year battery life.
Note we say “count time” not “tell time”, because the Time Since Launch doesn’t actually tell time. When you pull the pin, it starts counting up seconds, to a display-maximum of 999,999 days, 23 hours, 59 minutes and 59 seconds. The idea is that the Time Since Launch “creates your personal epoch” from whatever moment you choose. The birth of your first child seems noble enough, but other suggestions include “since I quit drinking” and “because it’s Tuesday”. Still, the idea of a device that uses the very best in durable and accurate timekeeping technology, but which doesn’t in fact tell time, is very much our kind of ridiculous.