JOKES Talk it out Ear muffs Stupid is… THE GAG REEL TIM VINE ‘I HAD A PLOUGHMAN’S LUNCH THE OTHER DAY. HE WASN’T VERY HAPPY’
BILL MAHER “Kids. They’re not easy, but there has to be some penalty for sex.” The best one-liners from professional jokers “I’ve often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can’t get my husband to go swimming.”
A DRUNK was staggering along the side of the road at 2am when the coppers drove past and demanded to know what he was up to.
“It’s fine, officers,” he assured them. “I’m just off to a lecture.”
“Who the hell gives lectures at this time of night?” asked one of the cops.
“My wife.” Josh, Qld A BLOKE came home early from work to find another man in bed with his wife. “What the hell is going on?” he roared. “I’m just listening to music,” replied the fella, who had his head between his wife’s big breasts.
The husband decided to check it out, so he pushed the other fella aside and stuck his head in his missus’ cleavage.
After a minute he said, “This is bullshit, I can’t hear a thing!”
“Of course you can’t,” grinned the other bloke. “You’re not plugged in.” DUMB Dave stormed into the pub one evening, scowling and eyeing up every bloke in the place. “Alright, who was it?” he spat. “What’s wrong with ya, mate?” asked the barman.
“Me missus just gave birth to triplets,” roared Dumb Dave, “so I’m looking for the other two pricks who fucked her!” Ant, ACT