JOKES Talk it out Ear muffs Stupid is… THE GAG REEL TIM VINE ‘I HAD A PLOUGHMAN’S LUNCH THE OTHER DAY. HE WASN’T VERY HAPPY’

BILL MA­HER “Kids. They’re not easy, but there has to be some penalty for sex.” The best one-lin­ers from professional jok­ers “I’ve of­ten wanted to drown my trou­bles, but I can’t get my hus­band to go swim­ming.”

People (Australia) - - Funny Shit -

A DRUNK was stag­ger­ing along the side of the road at 2am when the cop­pers drove past and de­manded to know what he was up to.

“It’s fine, of­fi­cers,” he as­sured them. “I’m just off to a lec­ture.”

“Who the hell gives lec­tures at this time of night?” asked one of the cops.

“My wife.” Josh, Qld A BLOKE came home early from work to find an­other man in bed with his wife. “What the hell is go­ing on?” he roared. “I’m just lis­ten­ing to mu­sic,” replied the fella, who had his head be­tween his wife’s big breasts.

The hus­band de­cided to check it out, so he pushed the other fella aside and stuck his head in his mis­sus’ cleav­age.

Af­ter a minute he said, “This is bull­shit, I can’t hear a thing!”

“Of course you can’t,” grinned the other bloke. “You’re not plugged in.” DUMB Dave stormed into the pub one evening, scowl­ing and eye­ing up ev­ery bloke in the place. “Al­right, who was it?” he spat. “What’s wrong with ya, mate?” asked the bar­man.

“Me mis­sus just gave birth to triplets,” roared Dumb Dave, “so I’m look­ing for the other two pricks who fucked her!” Ant, ACT

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