PUZZLES

Picture (Australia) - - Cheeky Cross -

ACROSS

1. Some Eastern folks be­lieve mar­riages ARE GRAND - a bit like blind dates but they last a lot longer! (8). 5. Good piece of meat to pork with (3). 7. Ev­ery sum­mer she flies to the Costa del Sol AND PAIRS up with a guy from Barcelona (8). 12. Long rods that go into lubed- up holes (9). 13. That is­land which I CARP on and on about (5). 14. Girls, when a guy gives you these red flow­ers on Valen­tine’s Day, beware of the prick! (5). 16. Sports­men whose sole aim is to whack their balls as lit­tle as pos­si­ble (7). 18. Looks for my meat in a game of hide the sausage (5). 22. The sort of bird you’ll see rac­ing at the Bathurst 1000 (6). 24. Lewd Ex­hi­bi­tion­ist Con­stantly Hassling Ev­ery Reg­u­lar (6). 25. A per­son who changes gen­der AS NUTS RE­LAX (11). 26. This tit’ll give you some­thing to tat­tle about (6). 27. The planet that sounds like it might be lo­cated in­side your undies (6). 30. The dirty CRUD SET out by telling the filth­i­est of jokes (7). 32. It might hold up a bridge, un­less of course it RUSTS (5). 33. Pulling your pod, you BE­GIN AT the be­gin­ning and come at the end (7). 34. Saucy rhymes that some­times start with “There was a young girl from” (9). 35. Sex­ual li­aisons held with­out the wife know­ing (7). 38. The sort of peo­ple who let their tackle hang out while strolling in the DUNES (5). 39. YES! CAST off your in­hi­bi­tions. Just take this pill, said the drug­gie (7). 44. The kind of woman who in­hab­its a par­tic­u­lar adult SEC­TOR of so­ci­ety (6). 46. Get on BOARD A broad overseas (6). 47. Bru­tus was the first in his­tory, but any politi­cian in Can­berra will stick it in while the leader’s not look­ing (11). 48. Ital­ian city where those hot- blooded kids Romeo and Juliet used to RAVE ON (6). 49. It’s very poor form to have re­la­tions with your re­la­tions, so try to RE­SIST (6). 52. This old bloke went a bit ‘dotty’ and had to ‘dash’ off (5). 55. Ac­cord­ing to Benny Hill, Ernie the ... would make her cream ev­ery day (7). 56. If you find it, she’s likely to quiver with de­light. P.S. GOT it yet? (1-4). 58. Do you speak to your wife af­ter sex? De­pends if I’ve got my mo­bile ... with me! (5). 59. The love a woman shows towards ten inches OF NICE FAT pork sausage (9). 61. I got my jol­lies with that nice girl ALI, BY the foun­tain in Tripoli (5). 62. You’ll get the SAME SAGS as me, if you don’t have reg­u­lar rub-downs from your physio (8). 63. Ini­tially I thought she was a Sex­u­ally Ham­strung Young­ster but hell, was I wrong! (3). 64. With SUCH NEAT chest pup­pies, she’s cer­tainly had her fair share of bed­room bud­dies (8).

DOWN

2. It’s what you get off among the boul­ders (5). 3. Hoot­ers or schnoz­zles that smell a lot (5). 4. The best part of any rom­com is when it says ‘The ...’ (3). 5. Over­come with LUST, HE de­cided to so­licit her ser­vices (6). 6. A pure young girl who might AID MEN to sat­isfy their urges (6). 8. She UPS and leaves when she spies his pim­ple se­cre­tion (3). 9. What Mr Gi­raffe does when he kisses his mis­sus (5). 10. The for­bid­den fruit that had Adam rooted (5). 15. I was thrilled when my EX CITED me for di­vorce (7). 16. She moans with plea­sure when he feels in­side her SARONG (6). 17. TLC didn’t want none of these, ’cos they’re guys who can’t get no love (6). 19. A girl who man­ages to be­witch me, CAN THEN lead me astray (7). 20. Prods his pork­ing poker into her, some­thing he cer­tainly won’t RE­SENT do­ing (6). 21. With your ap­peal, U’RE ALL I need to help warm my bed, he whis­pered (6). 23. The dirty bas­tard HAS cig drop­pings on his coat (3). 28. When in Am­s­ter­dam, I got sex­ual with a nice girl. A hun­dred EU­ROS, GONE! (9). 29. These birds can’t fly and keep bury­ing their own heads – that’s wor­thy of a SHIT SCORE (9). 31. You can’t STOP LES from drink­ing in bars where the girls have their goods out (7). 33. How could my arse BE SO RED just from ly­ing in the sack? (7). 36. She be­came so horny, I had to book US A ROOM at once (7). 37. A bloody id­iot who’ll GRAB AT any piece of skirt he sees (6). 40. You find this puz­zle crude? I don’t CARE, SO up yours, you ran­cid turd! (6). 41. STRUTH’S her only ex­cla­ma­tion, when he rams home his weapon (7). 42. This ma­chine re­ally sucks (6). 43. Look out! This mon­key will give your BOOB AN aw­ful tweak, girls (6). 45. She knew roughly when her pi­lot was coming - he gave her his Es­ti­mated Time of Ar­rival (1,1,1). 50. All for­eign­ers are OK, so long as they get the ALES IN (6). 51. Dirty and nasty - a bit like this mag­a­zine. Just kid­ding, Mr Editor! (6). 53. Shows off his TORSO as he bonks un­der a tree (5). 54. Just be­cause ’e liked the nurse, it didn’t MEAN ’E wanted a hose jammed up ’is arse (5). 56. Silly pink and grey bird that an­noys the hell out of our farm­ers (5). 57. Short and curlies that might get stuck in your teeth dur­ing a spot of car­pet munch­ing (5). 59. Got a meal in you, and some TEA as well (3). 60. Short an­swer the made­moi­selle gave me when I asked for ‘un fuck’! (3).

11. Scores of­ten seen when rub­bish crick­eters get dis­missed (5).

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