Which mytho­log­i­cal mon­ster would you take on in a fight?

YOU NEED TO BE CRUEL TO BE KIND WHEN IT COMES TO FIGHT­ING MER­MAIDS. AS OPM’S PREMIER MIS­CHIEF MAKER, I WANT A SHOW­DOWN WITH LOKI. I’M CHAL­LENG­ING GLOBE-TOT­ING TI­TAN AT­LAS TO AN EPIC WEIGHTLIFT­ING COM­PE­TI­TION. I’M SICK OF SPARKLY NON­SENSE – SO UNI­CORNS, PR

PlayStation Official Magazine (UK) - - THE BIG10 -

IAN DEAN ED­I­TOR

Part fish and part woman, just what are mer­maids? If you are a hand­some prince look­ing for a good time you could choose a drier date – though I guess they’re cheap; a hand­ful of white­bait and a shiny peb­ble would be fine. Taken one-ver­sus-one mer­maids are a pushover – Ariel can be de­feated by telling her some bad news (I prepped for bat­tle with a binge of Dis­ney movies). “Eric cheated with Ursula,” should do it. How­ever, like a Fri­daynight hen party in Cardiff, when mer­maids get to­gether they can cause large ‘scale’ havoc. I’d need to up my game. “Daryl Han­nah was bet­ter!” That’s a win.

BEN TYRER GAMES ED­I­TOR

First, I’m well aware that my cho­sen op­po­nent is a god, which might make him a lit­tle chal­leng­ing. But, real talk, he’s also a mas­sive pain thanks to be­ing a shapeshifter. So, that’s his mon­ster cre­den­tials es­tab­lished. What about mine, though? Not a day goes by at OPM Tow­ers with­out the rest of the team de­scrib­ing me as a ter­ror, whether it’s Milf de­mand­ing words to stick pic­tures round, Mim pray­ing for quiet, or Ian rolling his eyes at my puns. I think I’m due a shot at the ti­tle of “god of mis­chief”, and that means taking a pop at the cur­rent king. The only prob­lem is, I just need to fig­ure out what form he’s taken…

MIL­FORD COP­POCK MANAG­ING ART ED­I­TOR

The rest of Team OPM might think I’m wast­ing my time pump­ing iron in the gym when I could be on the PlayS­ta­tion. They’ll change their tune when I chal­lenge the big­gest weightlifter of them all, At­las, a Ti­tan so mighty he lit­er­ally has the world on his shoul­ders, to a test of strength. It’ll be like all your World’s Strong­est Man Christ­mases at once. I’ll never match him, you say? That’s the cun­ning part of my plan: he’s al­ready weighed down and has his hands full, so I’ve got an ad­van­tage there. And even if I can’t beat him, I might well scare the three her­berts in the of­fice into shut­ting up for a bit.

MIRIAM MCDON­ALD OP­ER­A­TIONS ED­I­TOR

There are big­ger, bad­der beasts to pick from, so the uni­corn might look like an odd choice here. I’ve got noth­ing against the idea of horses with horns per se. The old me­dieval vari­ant was pretty kick­ass, ac­tu­ally, it was a fe­ro­cious, al­most un­tame­able beast. The mod­ern ver­sion, on the other hand, float­ing against pink clouds, wrapped in rain­bows and plas­tered with glitter… that’s just nau­se­at­ing. You don’t see Me­dusa on pen­cil cases, or twee pas­tel posters fea­tur­ing a cy­clops and the slo­gan ‘Be­lieve in your­self’, do you? Poor old uni­corns. I’d be do­ing them a favour putting them out of their be­span­gled mis­ery.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Australia

© PressReader. All rights reserved.