Port Douglas & Mossman Gazette - - FRONT PAGE -

THIS week your love will be heart­bro­ken. Best to com­fort them, not walk away. If you choose to walk, you will walk straight into a mess of bro­ken limbs . . . I prom­ise! THIS week your spir­its will at first be buoyed as you get many mes­sage of love . . . then your col­leagues will soon burst your bub­ble when they point out its only SPAM! THIS week your col­leagues should only be too happy to sing your praises . . . ding dong . . . the witch is dead! LOVE will be fleet­ing for you this week . . . well, you had bet­ter run like hell or that mad, old cow from down the road at num­ber 57 will catch and then you’re for it! THIS week love will find you fall­ing short but don’t worry . . . there’s lovely lit­tle blue tablets you can take for that! THIS week love is def­i­nitely on your side and ro­mance is in the air . . . so you can breathe it in deep – just don’t choke! YOUR ed­u­ca­tion will be stepped up a notch as your pro­fes­sor takes you un­der his wing and takes you to his home and shows you his rub­ber room! WORK this week for you will be okay so long as you don’t act all su­pe­rior and this will make the peo­ple you work with much hap­pier with you . . . for the time be­ing! THIS week will see you take up sports for the first time in your life, well done. Keep train­ing hard and you just might make it into the nasal drip tri­als! THIS week you will need to watch your back, some­one just might be stand­ing be­hind you and it won’t nec­es­sar­ily be a gun in their pocket! THIS week you will have one of the best camp­ing hol­i­days ever with your love . . . you’ll re­turn home and she will stay! THIS week will be a hor­ror week for you in the love depart­ment . . . there has been a sale on and there’s noth­ing left for you so just go away!

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