SOC­CER AD­VICE

Port Douglas & Mossman Gazette - - NEWS -

Deb­bie the Soc­cer Mum goes to work ev­ery Mon­day ex­hausted by the week­end’s re­lent­less round of sport­ing en­gage­ments with her young brood. Futsal, ap­par­ently, is a mael­strom of parental rage as over-ex­cited mums re­gale their kids, the coaches, the birds and the trees, the grass – ev­ery­thing in earshot – with their kind ad­vice on how to play the game. At full vol­ume. It puts Co­conut in mind of a joke he heard re­cently. A soc­cer mum is making break­fast, eggs, ba­con, toast. Off to the side is 10-year-old Tom, who won’t stop giv­ing ad­vice about how to fry the eggs and ba­con. It went on and on. “You don’t know to cook eggs, why are you do­ing them that way?” And so on, and so on. “Lis­ten,” said the fed up mum even­tu­ally, “I ac­tu­ally do know what I’m do­ing,” she says. “I’ve been cook­ing eggs for years.” “Yeah,” says ju­nior, “I’ve been play­ing soc­cer for years, so from now on don’t say any­thing when I’m on the field.” and asked if his had names. Yes, they do, Stir-fry, Bar­be­cue and Roast… The farmer’s grand­chil­dren are hor­ri­fied and call him reg­u­larly check­ing the num­bers.

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