Port Douglas & Mossman Gazette - - NEWS -

Phew, busy week, peeps. Co­conut missed last week be­cause he was in good old Rio! De­spite the air fare there seemed plenty to be had in the way of free­bies for good old Co­conut, at such an in­ter­na­tional win-ding with moola splash­ing around. But Co­conut un­for­tu­nately did get kicked out of ev­ery­thing he en­tered – premises mostly, where there was lash­ings of food and drink for the press rep­tiles (sorry, “media”) and high liv­ing Olympic “of­fi­cials”. Ap­par­ently “free­lance jour­nal­ist” did not war­rant proper ac­cred­i­ta­tion to the pig troughs, the snobs, so old Co­conut barely got a sniff. And his at­tempts to do a demon­sta­tion of beach­com­ing as a fu­ture Olympic event were like­wise ill-starred. The golden sands of Copaca­bana had been so thor­oughly picked over in the nat­u­ral course of things there weren’t even cig­gie butts to be seen, only thrown away, empty bags and purses. And to top it off, Co­conut was held up by oily ban­dits who have now taken pos­ses­sion of his trusty X-Ray Beach­mas­ter Pro metal de­tec­tor. He was go­ing for gold but just got cig­a­rette foil. Par­ty­ing with the Swedish womens vol­ley­ball team did make up some­what for the dis­ap­point­ments, how­ever. old woman from Can­berra went fish­ing with some friends last week and they reeled a few in. Her friends sug­gested she have a go at scal­ing a fish, so she did – only to end up with a wicked fish spine in her fin­ger. it wouldn’t get out so they called the am­bos. they couldn’t get it out ei­ther so she was taken to Moss­man Hospi­tal where they numbed the fin­ger and got to work on it. It came out, and she was able to go home, vow­ing to en­joy that blasted fish on a plate. to lift up and then lower the toi­let seat, the way the ladies wish.

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