All in a Day’s Work
HUMOUR ON THE JOB
VIRTUAL REALITY My husband, a computer-systems troubleshooter, was riding with me in my new car one afternoon when I stopped at a red light.
I wanted to stay a safe distance from the pedestrian crossing, but my husband waved at me to move forward, saying, “Scroll up, honey.”
SUBMITTED BY GEORGIA M. HARVEY
HAPPY 155TH BIRTHDAY! I was buying a few bottles of wine at the bottle store recently when the cashier asked for my birthdate. I said, “Ten-three-sixty.” Her next question: “Is that ‘nineteen’ sixty?”
SUBMITTED BY DAVID PHENIX
SWITCHED ON I was telling a new friend about my degree in technical theatre with a
SIT, BEG, ROLL OVER, MAKE CHANGE I was driving home recently when I stopped on impulse at a roadside vegetable stand. It was deserted except for a sleeping German shepherd. I stepped carefully over the dog, grabbed some vegetables, then opened up the cash box to leave some money.
Taped to the inside of the lid was a note: “The dog can count.” SUBMITTED BY CARLEEN CRUMMETT
major in lighting design when she looked at me and said, “So you’re paid $52,000 a year to turn lights on and off?”
I had to admit, she was right.
SYNOGYMS My friend sat down with a new client at her gym to review her application. For the question “To what do you attribute your fitness issues?” the woman had answered, “Horrendous eating habits.”
“Why do you say that?” my friend asked.
“Well,” she replied, “I can’t spell ‘atrocious’.”
SUBMITTED BY L.A. PERRYMAN
TOO HONEST My brother-in-law works at Conwy Castle, a very famous tourist attraction in Wales. A few years back, a student sent in an application for a summer job there – but the fellow’s email address didn’t help his cause much. It was: firstname.lastname@example.org.
SUBMITTED BY LAWRENCE TYNEE
FROM THE HORSE’S MOUTH After leaving my job, I was amazed to hear that one of my old colleagues, Alan, had been spotted with a new girlfriend. Alan had never shown any interest in romance, so this was big news. A mutual friend said the girl was very nice and chatty, but the more she spoke the more she reminded him of a horse – big teeth, long face, wide nostrils.
I decided to visit my old workplace for more details. The following day, I found myself sipping coffee with my ex-colleagues and my replacement. Alan was called away to take a phone call, so I seized the chance to ask about the new girlfriend.
“Yes, it’s true,” said one, so I launched into a full repeat of the horse description, grinning merrily.
A silence fell and faces became serious. Then my replacement looked into my eyes and said, “It’s me.”
I never went back – and I wasn’t invited to their wedding.
SUBMITTED BY IRIS DAVIES
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