All in a Day’s Work

HU­MOUR ON THE JOB

Reader's Digest Asia Pacific - - Contents -

VIR­TUAL RE­AL­ITY My hus­band, a com­puter-sys­tems troubleshooter, was rid­ing with me in my new car one af­ter­noon when I stopped at a red light.

I wanted to stay a safe dis­tance from the pedes­trian cross­ing, but my hus­band waved at me to move for­ward, say­ing, “Scroll up, honey.”

SUB­MIT­TED BY GE­OR­GIA M. HAR­VEY

HAPPY 155TH BIRTH­DAY! I was buy­ing a few bot­tles of wine at the bot­tle store re­cently when the cashier asked for my birth­date. I said, “Ten-three-sixty.” Her next ques­tion: “Is that ‘nine­teen’ sixty?”

SUB­MIT­TED BY DAVID PHENIX

SWITCHED ON I was telling a new friend about my de­gree in tech­ni­cal the­atre with a

SIT, BEG, ROLL OVER, MAKE CHANGE I was driv­ing home re­cently when I stopped on im­pulse at a road­side veg­etable stand. It was de­serted ex­cept for a sleep­ing Ger­man shep­herd. I stepped care­fully over the dog, grabbed some veg­eta­bles, then opened up the cash box to leave some money.

Taped to the in­side of the lid was a note: “The dog can count.” SUB­MIT­TED BY CAR­LEEN CRUMMETT

ma­jor in light­ing design when she looked at me and said, “So you’re paid $52,000 a year to turn lights on and off?”

I had to ad­mit, she was right.

From fmylife.com

SYNOGYMS My friend sat down with a new client at her gym to re­view her ap­pli­ca­tion. For the ques­tion “To what do you at­tribute your fit­ness is­sues?” the woman had an­swered, “Hor­ren­dous eating habits.”

“Why do you say that?” my friend asked.

“Well,” she replied, “I can’t spell ‘atro­cious’.”

SUB­MIT­TED BY L.A. PER­RY­MAN

TOO HON­EST My brother-in-law works at Conwy Cas­tle, a very fa­mous tourist at­trac­tion in Wales. A few years back, a stu­dent sent in an ap­pli­ca­tion for a sum­mer job there – but the fel­low’s email ad­dress didn’t help his cause much. It was: atleas­t­im­notwelsh@hot­mail.com.

SUB­MIT­TED BY LAWRENCE TYNEE

FROM THE HORSE’S MOUTH Af­ter leav­ing my job, I was amazed to hear that one of my old col­leagues, Alan, had been spot­ted with a new girl­friend. Alan had never shown any in­ter­est in ro­mance, so this was big news. A mu­tual friend said the girl was very nice and chatty, but the more she spoke the more she re­minded him of a horse – big teeth, long face, wide nos­trils.

I de­cided to visit my old work­place for more de­tails. The fol­low­ing day, I found my­self sip­ping cof­fee with my ex-col­leagues and my re­place­ment. Alan was called away to take a phone call, so I seized the chance to ask about the new girl­friend.

“Yes, it’s true,” said one, so I launched into a full re­peat of the horse de­scrip­tion, grin­ning mer­rily.

A si­lence fell and faces be­came se­ri­ous. Then my re­place­ment looked into my eyes and said, “It’s me.”

I never went back – and I wasn’t in­vited to their wed­ding.

SUB­MIT­TED BY IRIS DAVIES

Got a good joke, anec­dote or real-life gem to share? Send it in and you could win cash! See page 6 for de­tails on how to con­trib­ute.

“Other than an empty in­box, what goals are we striv­ing to­wards?”

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