TORTURED ENGLISH FROM AROUND THE WORLD

■ In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: ‘Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar’.

■ In a Nairobi restaurant: ‘Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager’.

■ At a Budapest zoo: ‘Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty’.

■ In a Bangkok drycleaner: ‘Drop your trousers here for best results’.

■ On a highway sign in Kenya: ‘When this sign is underwater, this road is impassable’.

■ In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: ‘We take your bags and send them in all directions’.