HOW TO GET FIRED BE­FORE YOU’RE HIRED

Peo­ple write the strangest things on their ré­sumés, some­times down­right hys­ter­i­cal. Why should only re­cruit­ing man­agers get to laugh at these?

Reader's Digest Asia Pacific - - Reader's Digest -

“Fin­ished eighth in my class of ten.” “Re­ceived a plague for Sales­per­son of the Year.” “Rea­son for leav­ing last job: ma­tu­rity leave.” “Am a per­fec­tion­ist and rarely if if ever for­get de­tails.” “It’s best for em­ploy­ers that I not work with peo­ple.” “Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my ex­pe­ri­ence.” “I have an ex­cel­lent track record, al­though I am not a horse.” “You will want me to be Head Hon­cho in no time.” “Mar­i­tal sta­tus: of­ten. Chil­dren: var­i­ous.” “I am loyal to my em­ployer at all costs. Please feel free to re­spond to my ré­sumé on my of­fice voice mail.”

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