HOW TO GET FIRED BEFORE YOU’RE HIRED
People write the strangest things on their résumés, sometimes downright hysterical. Why should only recruiting managers get to laugh at these?
“Finished eighth in my class of ten.” “Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.” “Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.” “Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.” “It’s best for employers that I not work with people.” “Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.” “I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.” “You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.” “Marital status: often. Children: various.” “I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my résumé on my office voice mail.”