The Never End­ing Story ( 1984)

SFX: The Sci-Fi and Fantasy Magazine - - Dragons -

Last up, Wolf­gang Petersen’s adap­ta­tion of the clas­sic Ger­man kids’ book. Hark, is that the sound of Limahl? Yes, it’s the cock­a­too- mul­leted pop- imp from Ka­ja­goo­goo, war­bling on about “the mir­ror of your dreams” as we soar through the clouds. It could only be more ’ 80s if Mr T was break­danc­ing on the bon­net of KITT. Nick: I think the song is bet­ter re­mem­bered than the film. Jor­dan: Nah, the film’s still a cult favourite. V: This song doesn’t feel right for a fan­tasy movie some­how. It’s like the re­make of The Great Gatsby when they start play­ing Cameo. In a book­shop, an old man tells a boy “This book is not for you.” Nick: Yes, kid, for­get you ever heard the words “the Mar­quis de Sade”… The kid shoplifts the for­bid­den book and takes it to the school at­tic for a read. His world is rocked as he dis­cov­ers he’s just a cute fram­ing de­vice in a movie. We’re now in the realm of Fan­ta­sia, where another kid is rid­ing a horse through the Swamp of Sad­ness. Nick: We are, in a very real sense, in a swamp of sad­ness this evening. Tragedy! The horse sinks! V: This needs a men­tal health trig­ger warn­ing. Ian: Warn­ing: con­tains sui­ci­dal horse. Har­row­ing. Cut to the kid bawl­ing his lit­tle eyes out. Ian: It’s like a flash­card to the au­di­ence. Time to cry, you heart­less bas­tards! En­ter Falkor, the pink­est, cud­dli­est dragon you ever did see. Frankly he makes George from Rainbow look like Ja­son Statham lead­ing a borstal riot. Soon boy and dragon are fly­ing through the skies, pow­ered by the tire­less flap of fluffy ears. Jor­dan: That pup­pet’s awe­some. Rich: I don’t get how this dragon works. How are those ears gen­er­at­ing up­lift? V: Sure, it starts off novel, but rid­ing a dragon would be like fly­ing in a plane. Two hours in and you’d be like “This is bor­ing…” Jor­dan: Does it have a built- in oxy­gen mask? V: It doesn’t even have a seat­belt. Nick: At least the emer­gency ex­its are ev­ery­where. Break­ing news: Fan­ta­sia has ex­ploded. We blame a build- up of twee­ness at the planet’s core. Only some­one with hope and imag­i­na­tion can bring it back. The Couch crew’s mouldy old snark just won’t cut it. Nick: The Nev­erEnd­ing Story… Has some­one just ripped out the last page? Ian: There’s still time for another horse sui­cide. I’m go­ing to make that film. One Hun­dred Horse Sui­cides. Black and white. It’ll be like Ing­mar Bergman. Wait! It’s the horse! It lives! And it’s rid­ing through the fields! We have tears! Imag­i­na­tion and hope are back in the room! Ian: What they don’t show you is that it’s go­ing to gal­lop straight off a cliff… Let’s end it there, peo­ple. It’s be­gin­ning to drag on. Oh, please your­selves.

The horse spa tri­alled its lat­est treat­ment.

Falkor: adorable puppy night­mare dragon.

“Can I please get a moist tow­elette?”

For­get the ear physics. What if he falls off?

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Australia

© PressReader. All rights reserved.