Chastity Bites

SFX: The Sci-Fi and Fantasy Magazine - - Rated dvd & blu-ray -

Re­lease Date: OUT NOW!

2014 | 15 | DVD

Even

Ware­house 13’ s ace Al­li­son Scagliotti can’t save this dire hor­ror- com­edy that’s about as scary as a box full of kit­tens and as funny as flesh- eat­ing bac­te­ria. Scagliotti stars as Leah, the lo­cal high school’s to­ken fem­i­nist, who takes against ab­sti­nence coun­cil­lor Liz Bathos with good rea­son: Liz is re­ally a cen­turies- old Hungarian countess who mur­ders vir­gins and bathes in their blood to stay young ( yep, it’s an­other riff on the no­to­ri­ous Countess Bathory).

The plot is bob­bins, the per­for­mances less re­strained than what you’d ex­pect from the av­er­age pan­tomime, the gags fall awk­wardly flat ev­ery sin­gle time and Ham­mer was do­ing more con­vinc­ing gore in the ’ 50s. It has as­pi­ra­tions to be Mean Girls meets Cherry Falls but falls des­per­ately short of both.

Ex­tras: Trailer. Jor­dan Far­ley

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