Star Trek: Voy­ager “Par­al­lax”

SFX: The Sci-Fi and Fantasy Magazine - - Arnold schwarzenegger -

First stop in star­date 1995: the Star Trek fran­chise, at per­haps its low­est ebb. We beam in for only the sec­ond episode of Voy­ager. Nick: I don’t like this ship de­sign. It looks like a tech­no­log­i­cally ad­vanced ho­tel toi­let. Lost in the Delta Quad­rant, 70,000 light years from Earth, the USS Voy­ager’s crew have joined forces with a bunch of Maquis free­dom fighters. Fas­ci­nat­ing con­flict is guar­an­teed, surely? Rich: The whole point of the two crews was it was meant to be an­tag­o­nis­tic, but they just for­got all that af­ter about five episodes. Nick: They should have had a big dance- off, like that Ja­son Nevins vs Run– DMC video. Af­ter an ar­gu­ment about re­align­ing the lat­eral plasma con­duit, an en­gi­neer has a bro­ken nose. Ian: Un­der­stand­able. I feel like punch­ing some­one in the face ev­ery time I hear tech­nob­a­b­ble too. Peo­ple dis­cuss whether halfKlin­gon en­gi­neer B’Elanna Tor­res should be court- mar­tialled. Nick: It’s all about man­age­ment dis­putes! What hap­pened to the fi­nal fron­tier? In­ces­santly cheery Delta- quad­rant lo­cal Neelix pro­poses that they start grow­ing their own food. “I can do some won­der­ful things with veg­eta­bles,” he boasts. Ian: Stick one in your mouth big enough to stop you talk­ing? Nick: It looks like some­one’s taken a Stan­ley knife to his nose. Which is al­most un­der­stand­able. Ian: He’s the sen­tient equiv­a­lent of a nov­elty tie.

April 2015

Rich’s house Left to right: Nick, Ian, Rich, Jor­dan.

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