Slid­ers “Prince Of Wails”

SFX: The Sci-Fi and Fantasy Magazine - - Couch potato -

Next up, the show which each week “slid” through a worm­hole to a dif­fer­ent al­ter­nate Earth. Cue pump­ing dance mu­sic… Ian: ( throw­ing shapes) Any­one got any glow­sticks? … cli­max­ing in the show’s name be­ing whis­pered in faintly erotic fash­ion. Nick: Slid­ers… ribbed for your plea­sure. Physics ge­nius Quinn, his fe­male friend Wade, Pro­fes­sor Ar­turo and soul singer Rem­brandt emerge from a rub­bish- look­ing worm­hole to… Nick: An Earth where CGI tech­nol­ogy is 20 years be­hind ours? It’s more like one of those Lost episodes where they un­con­vinc­ingly pre­tend that Hawaii is Lon­don. There’s a red dou­ble decker! And there’s a red phone box! We’re in the Bri­tish States Of Amer­ica; in this re­al­ity, Blighty won the Rev­o­lu­tion­ary War. Ian: Oh, a utopia then? With the King MIA fight­ing the French, the wicked Sher­iff of San Fran­cisco’s in charge – and Ar­turo is his dou­ble! The Prof takes ad­van­tage of this to blag a car, prais­ing its “Bri­tish crafts­man­ship”. Cut to: our he­roes push­ing the car. Ian: Cheeky sods. At least we’ve got a func­tion­ing sense of irony. Nick: No one is tak­ing this re­motely se­ri­ously. Is it time for the dark, gritty re­boot? In the woods, our he­roes bump into the King’s hap­less heir, Prince Harold, foil­ing the Sher­iff ’s plan to have him as­sas­si­nated. Then they’re cap­tured by free­dom fighters called the Oak­land Raiders. “We want our broth­ers and sis­ters out of jail!” their leader de­clares. Ian: “And ac­cents that sound less Aus­tralian, cob­ber!” They’re taken to the Raiders’ dingy HQ. We’re soon heartily sick of the sight of it. Jor­dan: Why go to an al­ter­nate world and spend the en­tire episode in a base­ment?! Rich: Clearly they could only af­ford one shot of a red bus. The Raiders have faxed in their list of de­mands. Jor­dan: Faxed?! Could this get any more ’ 90s? Ian: Only if they’d been hand­de­liv­ered by Gin­ger Spice. Quinn de­liv­ers a stir­ring speech, which ends, “Power to the peo­ple!” Nick: “And free­dom for Toot­ing!” Soon the Prince is hit­ting on Wade, in best bum­bling Hugh Grant fash­ion. Ian: Oh good, just what’s been miss­ing: a half- hearted ro­mance. Mean­while, the Sher­iff de­clares mar­tial law. Ian: I bet no costly ex­tras are al­lowed on the streets any time af­ter 6pm. The Raiders storm the state- run TV stu­dio, with sur­pris­ing ease. As the Prince de­nounces the Sher­iff live on air, Ar­turo pro­vides the new regime with a fa­mil­iar­sound­ing bill of rights – though he de­cides to “scratch that one” when it comes to the right to bear arms. Ian: While you’re at it, add that colour is spelt with a u, say­ing “Have a nice day” is an­noy­ing, and base­ball isn’t a proper sport.

The new Clark­son, May and Ham­mond?

So… “pave­ment” or “side­walk” then?

Clearly Great Bri­tain.

And 20 years later, all men will have beards.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Australia

© PressReader. All rights reserved.