This SF- horror concerns a beautiful alien/ human hybrid on a mission to mate with Earth males. Escaping a government lab, a young Sil ( played by a pre- Dawson’s Creek Michelle Wiliams) sneaks onto a train, pinching cash and, er, some pan scourers?! As she tucks into chocolate mousse, intestine- like tentacles erupt from her face, dragging her up the wall. Jordan: I’m never eating chocolate mousse again. A guard discovers something very strange indeed. Ian: It’s a vagina chrysalis! Out wriggles a naked, fullydeveloped Sil. The team on her trail includes Michael Madsen’s mercenary. “Nobody ever asked me to find anything they didn’t want dead,” he says. Ian: I pity his girlfriend. Alfred Molina’s an anthropologist, Marg Helgenberger’s a biologist, and Forrest Whitaker is an empath. Nick: Couldn’t they have combined these people into one decent character? Ben Kingsley’s geneticist explains they injected an egg with alien DNA, making the child female, “so it’d be more docile and controllable”. Nick: I wouldn’t go on Twitter with that attitude, mate. Sil goes home with a nightclub pick- up. Mid- snog, the chap starts gagging, and a pointy tongue bursts out of the back of his head. Nick: Poor sod didn’t even get to third base. Ian: I’m never French kissing again. Our heroes find menstrual blood. “If she’s menstruating she’s capable of reproduction,” someone explains. “Yes, I know,” says the geneticist. Rich: That felt less like a scripted exchange and more like Ben Kingsley’s despair. Now Sil’s in a pool with Thomas Jane, who ends up suffocated by bizarre means… Jordan: She’s got boob tentacles! Ian: I’m never making out in a pool with a complete stranger again. Rich: Boob tentacles: great name for a heavy metal band. Nick: “Vagina Chrysalis” could be the LP. Much later, after having disguised herself by dying her hair, Sil ends up straddling Molina’s character. Whitaker’s empath sees flashes of the two at it. Jordan: Alfred Molina sex visions! That’s a superpower no one wants. Ian: I really don’t want to see Alfred Molina’s orgasm face. Too late. Molina meets a sticky end – in more ways than one. Nick: Compare this to Under The Skin; what a world of difference. Ian: It’s basically an exercise in giving 14- year- old boys a boner, then taking it away. Just when we thought Species couldn’t get any filthier, it, er, climaxes in a sewer- based showdown when Madsen’s merc blows Sil’s head off with a grenade launcher – to all’s amusement. “She was half us, half something else”, muses the biologist. “I wonder which was the predatory half ?” Ian: The half with the boob tentacles? Nick: But she was all woman. Or was that Lisa Stansfield?
Didn’t read the warning on the side.
That’s banned on that swimming pool sign.
Better than death by firing squad.