The devil’s a right charmer, reckons Bonnie Burton
The good guys always win ( or at least we hope so), but it’s the bad guys who look like they’re having the most fun. Just look at Lucifer. According to the Christian Bible, Lucifer — also referred to as Morning Star — was originally God’s favourite angel. But once he fell from heaven after refusing to bow down to Adam, he was demoted to running hell. Personally, I think he was promoted. We all know that real partiers never make it through the pearly gates.
So when Lucifer shows up in TV, movies and comics, it’s not surprising that he’s depicted as the guy who knows how to have a good time. Also known as the devil or Satan, he’s been leading humans astray since that whole snake- apple- Eve incident.
Really desperate humans would go to the crossroads asking the devil for the kind of favours that only a soul would pay for. Sign in blood on the dotted line and the wish is granted. Just make sure you’re very specific and willing to head straight to the fiery new home when your time is finally up.
In the original Bedazzled, the devil is played expertly by Peter Cook. An unhappy man agrees to swap his soul for seven wishes granted by the devil, but there’s a catch. With each wish, the devil figures out a way to sabotage the outcome thanks to loopholes and non- specific wording. Serves that human right for treating the devil like an evil genie.
In TV’s Reaper, Ray Wise plays the kind of Satan who would have had fun drinking cocktails with the Rat Pack in old school Las Vegas. Wise’s Satan wears nice suits, is a smooth talker and downright debonair. He clearly enjoys his work getting naive humans to sign on the dotted line.
The devil is always depicted in pop culture as the well- dressed cool cat who can’t be bothered with rules, loves to piss off angels and has a blast messing with mere mortals. Whether he’s Tim Curry playing the devil in love in Legend or Viggo Mortensen as Lucifer in The Prophecy, it’s clear that the Dark Lord of the Underworld has a certain razzmatazz when it comes to his work. He loves what he does and has fun doing it.
So why am I drawn to the ultimate bad boy? It’s not the fancy suits – though actor Peter Stormare looked ironically classy in an all- white suit as Lucifer in Constantine. It’s not even Lucifer’s superpowers – which include shape- shifting, changing the weather and superhuman strength.
I suppose what I love about Satan is the fact that he knows when you’re lying and even when you let your desires take over your better judgment. You can’t sweet- talk Satan. He either likes you or he doesn’t. He might lie and seduce you into the worst decisions ever. But when you’re with him, you know immediately that the outcome will involve eternal flames.
When attracted to bad boys, you know that the relationship isn’t fuelled by Cupid’s arrows, Valentine’s cards and flowers. You’re a moth, and they’re the flame. And we all know how that love story ends.
Lucifer fits that description perfectly. Add endless charm and the ability to make sin look sexy, and you’ve got the best example of worst boyfriend material ever. And that’s why he’s depicted more as a hot bad boy on a motorbike, not the creepy red dude with a goatee and hooves.
Maybe movie studios would rather turn Satan into a sex machine instead of a CGI monster so we keep coming back for more. When the King of the Underworld can double as a model for underwear, you have to wonder if God has a chance to get the same kind of makeover.
But even with Jesus looking like the front man of every grunge band I’ve ever loved, I still gravitate toward Lucifer. I suppose I find a guy full of bad ideas much more exciting than a lad who always plays by the rules. I might end up in hell, but I bet I won’t be bored.
You’ve got the best example of worst boyfriend material ever
Bonnie reckons God looks like everyone’s angry grandfather or a judgmental Gandalf.