Lov­ing Lu­cifer

The devil’s a right charmer, reck­ons Bon­nie Burton

SFX - - Opin­ion -

The good guys al­ways win ( or at least we hope so), but it’s the bad guys who look like they’re hav­ing the most fun. Just look at Lu­cifer. Ac­cord­ing to the Chris­tian Bi­ble, Lu­cifer — also re­ferred to as Morn­ing Star — was orig­i­nally God’s favourite an­gel. But once he fell from heaven af­ter re­fus­ing to bow down to Adam, he was de­moted to run­ning hell. Per­son­ally, I think he was pro­moted. We all know that real partiers never make it through the pearly gates.

So when Lu­cifer shows up in TV, movies and comics, it’s not sur­pris­ing that he’s de­picted as the guy who knows how to have a good time. Also known as the devil or Satan, he’s been lead­ing hu­mans astray since that whole snake- apple- Eve in­ci­dent.

Re­ally des­per­ate hu­mans would go to the cross­roads ask­ing the devil for the kind of favours that only a soul would pay for. Sign in blood on the dot­ted line and the wish is granted. Just make sure you’re very spe­cific and will­ing to head straight to the fiery new home when your time is fi­nally up.

In the orig­i­nal Bedaz­zled, the devil is played ex­pertly by Peter Cook. An un­happy man agrees to swap his soul for seven wishes granted by the devil, but there’s a catch. With each wish, the devil fig­ures out a way to sab­o­tage the out­come thanks to loop­holes and non- spe­cific word­ing. Serves that hu­man right for treat­ing the devil like an evil ge­nie.

In TV’s Reaper, Ray Wise plays the kind of Satan who would have had fun drink­ing cock­tails with the Rat Pack in old school Las Ve­gas. Wise’s Satan wears nice suits, is a smooth talker and down­right debonair. He clearly en­joys his work get­ting naive hu­mans to sign on the dot­ted line.

The devil is al­ways de­picted in pop cul­ture as the well- dressed cool cat who can’t be both­ered with rules, loves to piss off an­gels and has a blast mess­ing with mere mor­tals. Whether he’s Tim Curry play­ing the devil in love in Le­gend or Viggo Mortensen as Lu­cifer in The Prophecy, it’s clear that the Dark Lord of the Un­der­world has a cer­tain razzmatazz when it comes to his work. He loves what he does and has fun do­ing it.

So why am I drawn to the ul­ti­mate bad boy? It’s not the fancy suits – though ac­tor Peter Stor­mare looked iron­i­cally classy in an all- white suit as Lu­cifer in Con­stan­tine. It’s not even Lu­cifer’s su­per­pow­ers – which in­clude shape- shift­ing, chang­ing the weather and su­per­hu­man strength.

I sup­pose what I love about Satan is the fact that he knows when you’re ly­ing and even when you let your de­sires take over your bet­ter judg­ment. You can’t sweet- talk Satan. He ei­ther likes you or he doesn’t. He might lie and se­duce you into the worst de­ci­sions ever. But when you’re with him, you know im­me­di­ately that the out­come will in­volve eter­nal flames.

When at­tracted to bad boys, you know that the re­la­tion­ship isn’t fu­elled by Cupid’s ar­rows, Valen­tine’s cards and flow­ers. You’re a moth, and they’re the flame. And we all know how that love story ends.

Lu­cifer fits that de­scrip­tion per­fectly. Add end­less charm and the abil­ity to make sin look sexy, and you’ve got the best ex­am­ple of worst boyfriend ma­te­rial ever. And that’s why he’s de­picted more as a hot bad boy on a mo­tor­bike, not the creepy red dude with a goa­tee and hooves.

Maybe movie stu­dios would rather turn Satan into a sex ma­chine in­stead of a CGI monster so we keep com­ing back for more. When the King of the Un­der­world can dou­ble as a model for un­der­wear, you have to won­der if God has a chance to get the same kind of makeover.

But even with Je­sus look­ing like the front man of every grunge band I’ve ever loved, I still grav­i­tate to­ward Lu­cifer. I sup­pose I find a guy full of bad ideas much more ex­cit­ing than a lad who al­ways plays by the rules. I might end up in hell, but I bet I won’t be bored.

You’ve got the best ex­am­ple of worst boyfriend ma­te­rial ever

Bon­nie reck­ons God looks like ev­ery­one’s an­gry grand­fa­ther or a judg­men­tal Gan­dalf.

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