The Flash

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The speed­ster gets Scripteased

Open­ing mono­logue over

clips of Barry run­ning ran­domly through Cen­tral City. Cut to cof­fee shop. BARRY is at a ta­ble with STAR Labs sci­en­tists CISCO and CAITLIN, and adop­tive dad, JOE, a cop. En­ter IRIS, Joe’s daugh­ter. She’s in a strop. Iris: You lied to me. And you. Ev­ery­body’s ly­ing. It’s not fair. Joe: Who do you love, Iris? Barry or my cop part­ner Ed­die? Iris: Ed­die of course. Ev­ery­body else: Liar, liar, pants on fire… Exit IRIS. In a strop. Barry’s phone rings. Doc­tor Wells ( over the phone): A metahu­man is at­tack­ing Cen­tral City Aquar­ium. Exit BARRY in a flash Cut to Aquar­ium. A man dressed as a jan­i­tor is wreck­ing the place. This is [ IN­SERT REAL NAME OF MI­NOR DC CHAR­AC­TER]. He is sweat­ing pro­fusely. En­ter BARRY, in a flash. Barry: Hey man, buy some an­tiper­spi­rant. BARRY and [ IN­SERT NAME] fight but [ IN­SERT NAME] keeps turn­ing into liq­uid, so Barry can’t hit him. [ IN­SERT NAME]: I used to work here and ev­ery­body ig­nored me. Barry: Stop be­ing so wet. [ IN­SERT NAME]: You know Spi­der- Man does bet­ter quips, right? [ IN­SERT NAME] van­ishes down a drain.

bonus fea­tures

Re­union: The Flash re­unites Prison Break ’s Went­worth Miller and Do­minic Pur­cell as part­ners- in- crime Cap­tain Cold and Heat Wave.

Cover- up: In one episode Barry has a very oddly- shaped bruise on his ribs. That was to cover up Grant Gustin’s tat­too of his home state of Vir­ginia.

In- Jokes: Look out for re­peated use of the num­ber 52 – it ’s a ref­er­ence to DC’s cur­rent New 52 line of comic books.

Rel­a­tive Val­ues: The Flash fea­tures Rob­bie Amell, cousin of Arrow ac­tor Stephen Amell, as one half of Firestorm.

Best Line: Wells: “You have shown me what it ’s like to have a son. But to me, you’ve been dead for cen­turies.” Cut to STAR Labs. Wells: You need to be faster, Barry. More speed! Barry: [ IN­SERT NAME] kept turn­ing into yel­low wa­ter. Cisco: Let’s call him Golden Shower! Caitlin: Um… no let’s not, Cisco. Cisco: But I al­ways name the vil­lains. Caitlin: Just Google it… Barry: I need you to in­vent me some­thing. Cisco: The Hy­per Hose! But you’ll have to run re­ally fast to make it work. Barry: Of course. Cut to aquar­ium. [ IN­SERT NAME] is back. En­ter Barry with the Hy­per Hose. Barry: There’s a gold­fish bowl with your name on it. Barry runs re­ally fast around [ IN­SERT NAME] wrap­ping him in the Hy­per Hose. En­ter Re­verse- Flash look­ing blurry and yel­low and not a bit like Dr Wells. Barry: It’s you! You killed my mum! Re­verse- Flash: I’m not Wells. Hon­est. En­ter IRIS. In a strop. Iris: Liar! Cue NEXT WEEK mon­tage. Dave Golder

Not much of a se­cret dis­guise, but bet­ter than Su­per­man’s.

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