Me­tal Hurlant Chron­i­cles

Tales Of The Ex­pected

SFX - - Rated / Dvd & blu- ray - None. Dave Golder

Re­lease Date: OUT NOW!

2012- 2014 | 15 | Blu- ray/ DVD/ down­load Di­rec­tor: Guil­laume Lubrano Cast: Michael Biehn, Kelly Brook, Joe Flani­gan, Rut­ger Hauer, James Marsters, Michelle Ryan

There’s only one way to en­joy Me­tal Hurlant Chron­i­cles. Well, two if you in­clude not watch­ing it. The other is try­ing to pre­dict how many min­utes into any episode you can guess the twist. Hint: never bet on dou­ble fig­ures.

This English- lan­guage Franco-Bel­gian co- pro­duc­tion is ba­si­cally Sci- Fi Twist Great­est Hits. Aside from “… and their names were Adam and Eve” the show boasts all the clas­sics. Would we be giv­ing away spoil­ers by list­ing them? Do “twists” that are self- ev­i­dent count as spoil­ers? Pos­si­bly. Let’s just say, there is a child in one story whose name is – we learn in the last line of the episode – Adolf.

Ad­mit­tedly, the show has an ex­cuse. It’s based on clas­sic science fic­tion an­thol­ogy mag­a­zine of the ’ 70s and ’ 80s Mé­tal Hurlant, which fea­tured sto­ries and art by such con­tem­po­rary big- name SF cre­ators as Moe­bius, Berni Wright­son, Dan O’Ban­non and Jean Giraud. It’s the same mag­a­zine that inspired the US an­i­mated movie Heavy Me­tal ( 1981). There are sim­i­lar­i­ties be­tween that film and this se­ries, be­sides both be­ing an­tholo­gies and ut­ter tosh. The sto­ries in the film are linked by an evil arte­fact called the Loc- Nar; in the se­ries they’re linked by the “Mé­tal Hurlant” – the last frag­ment of a once- liv­ing planet, con­demned to travel cease­lessly through space and time, scream­ing its sad­ness and de­spair.

All 12 episodes are adap­ta­tions of sto­ries from the mag­a­zine, which ex­plains why they feel so overly fa­mil­iar; all the ideas in them have been used time and time again in films and tele­vi­sion shows since then. There’s even a story based on an ur­ban myth about Walt Dis­ney that’s been thor­oughly de­bunked since.

All of which may have been bear­able on a “his­tor­i­cal in­ter­est” level if the show weren’t also so ap­pallingly made. Some big- name sci- fi guest stars try their best, but fight a los­ing bat­tle against the am­a­teur­ish di­rec­tion, cheap ef­fects and clunky di­a­logue. Watch­ing this show, you’ll be the one cease­lessly scream­ing in sad­ness and de­spair.

His Pin­head cos­tume still needed a lot of work.

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