“Errand Of Mercy” 1967
Our first away mission takes us back to the original Enterprise’s first encounter with the Klingons, as Kirk and Spock beam down to the primitive, peaceful planet of Organia – a planet populated by men in smocks and green coats – to prevent the Klingons from establishing a military presence.
NICK The locals look like they’ve wandered in from a nativity. JORDAN In those Starfleet uniforms, Kirk and Spock aren’t doing a great job of blending in, are they? RICH They never gave a shit about the prime directive in those days. NICK You can tell because Spock’s not wearing the prime directive beanie. Kirk and Spock dress in Organian togs, and bag themselves an audience with the planet’s elders – seemingly led by Jeremy Corbyn. It’s not long before the Klingons turn up. Except, they’re not the pastyheaded Klingons we’ve come to know and, er, love… JORDAN Some of them haven’t even got beards! RICH That’s John Colicos as Kor – he was Baltar in the original Battlestar Galactica. NICK With a bit of Fu Manchu. RICH Pretty much the only thing from these Klingons that survived into TNG is the sparkly sash. IAN It should say Miss Dorset on it or something. NICK He’s great, this guy. He’s got charisma. He doesn’t need any of that, “You are betraying my honour!” bullshit. JORDAN Can I just say that Kirk is rocking the smock. IAN Not as much as Spock in the smock. An explosion takes place on the planet’s surface. IAN Stock footage, Spock footage and smock footage all blending into one! RICH Has Kor just asked his men to take Kirk to his office? NICK How has he got an office? It’s the least Klingon word ever. IAN I blame the universal translator. He probably said blood box. Kor tells the Enterprise boys that his toy could turn them into a “mental vegetable”. IAN “Mental vegetable” sounds like the name of a rave band. Corbyn and co tell Kirk, Spock and the Klingons that they’re actually superintelligent non-corporeal beings, and that they will not allow the two sides to fight on their watch. IAN It’s a bit of a dramatic cop out when you have aliens with psychic powers to stop people fighting. NICK Maybe Jeremy Corbyn does have these powers. Imagine if he got up and pulled this in PMQs. IAN I actually think Kirk’s learned a valuable lesson today. JORDAN We all have.
Spock in a smock!
We are a proud warrior race.
Space Corbyn and the Labour frontbench.