Star trek

“Er­rand Of Mercy” 1967

SFX: The Sci-Fi and Fantasy Magazine - - Trek 50 Couch Potato: Klingons -

Our first away mis­sion takes us back to the orig­i­nal En­ter­prise’s first en­counter with the Klin­gons, as Kirk and Spock beam down to the prim­i­tive, peace­ful planet of Or­ga­nia – a planet pop­u­lated by men in smocks and green coats – to pre­vent the Klin­gons from es­tab­lish­ing a mil­i­tary pres­ence.

NICK The lo­cals look like they’ve wan­dered in from a na­tiv­ity. JOR­DAN In those Starfleet uni­forms, Kirk and Spock aren’t do­ing a great job of blend­ing in, are they? RICH They never gave a shit about the prime di­rec­tive in those days. NICK You can tell be­cause Spock’s not wear­ing the prime di­rec­tive beanie. Kirk and Spock dress in Or­ga­nian togs, and bag them­selves an au­di­ence with the planet’s el­ders – seem­ingly led by Jeremy Cor­byn. It’s not long be­fore the Klin­gons turn up. Ex­cept, they’re not the pasty­headed Klin­gons we’ve come to know and, er, love… JOR­DAN Some of them haven’t even got beards! RICH That’s John Coli­cos as Kor – he was Bal­tar in the orig­i­nal Bat­tlestar Galac­tica. NICK With a bit of Fu Manchu. RICH Pretty much the only thing from th­ese Klin­gons that sur­vived into TNG is the sparkly sash. IAN It should say Miss Dorset on it or some­thing. NICK He’s great, this guy. He’s got charisma. He doesn’t need any of that, “You are be­tray­ing my hon­our!” bull­shit. JOR­DAN Can I just say that Kirk is rock­ing the smock. IAN Not as much as Spock in the smock. An explosion takes place on the planet’s sur­face. IAN Stock footage, Spock footage and smock footage all blend­ing into one! RICH Has Kor just asked his men to take Kirk to his of­fice? NICK How has he got an of­fice? It’s the least Klin­gon word ever. IAN I blame the univer­sal trans­la­tor. He prob­a­bly said blood box. Kor tells the En­ter­prise boys that his toy could turn them into a “men­tal veg­etable”. IAN “Men­tal veg­etable” sounds like the name of a rave band. Cor­byn and co tell Kirk, Spock and the Klin­gons that they’re ac­tu­ally su­per­in­tel­li­gent non-cor­po­real beings, and that they will not al­low the two sides to fight on their watch. IAN It’s a bit of a dra­matic cop out when you have aliens with psy­chic pow­ers to stop peo­ple fight­ing. NICK Maybe Jeremy Cor­byn does have th­ese pow­ers. Imag­ine if he got up and pulled this in PMQs. IAN I ac­tu­ally think Kirk’s learned a valu­able les­son to­day. JOR­DAN We all have.

Spock in a smock!

We are a proud war­rior race.

Space Cor­byn and the Labour front­bench.

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