State of Play

Pre­vi­ously on Game Of Thrones… ev­ery­one had a rot­ten time, apart from maybe Ram­say Snow – and he’s a nut­ter

SFX - - Game Of Thrones - Will Salmon

The for­merly tri­umphant Lan­nis­ter fam­ily was left in dis­ar­ray. Jaime was despatched to the te­dious king­dom of Dorne to bring back his ( se­cret) daugh­ter Myr­cella. He suc­ceeded, in a way – he found her, only for her to be fa­tally poi­soned.

Cer­sei, mean­while, was cap­tured and tor­tured by re­li­gious nut, the High Spar­row. Shamed in King’s Land­ing, she’s now plot­ting re­venge with her al­lies.

Tyrion, how­ever, is do­ing rather well. He’s met up with his old ally Varys and the two are work­ing to­gether to keep the peace in Meereen, fol­low­ing Daen­erys’s un­ex­pected de­par­ture.

Daen­erys, mean­while, was res­cued from an as­sas­si­na­tion at­tempt and flown to safety by Dro­gon. She’s now stum­bled upon a group of ( friendly?) Dothraki, who may ( or may not) come to her aid.

Don’t for­get about the “ice” part of “Ice And Fire”. Lots hap­pened near The Wall, in­clud­ing Stan­nis Baratheon sac­ri­fic­ing his daugh­ter’s life and then pay­ing the ul­ti­mate price him­self. Serves the mis­er­able old git right.

After five years of build- up, the su­per­nat­u­ral forces beyond the wall fi­nally started to make their pres­ence felt. The White Walk­ers struck the town of Hard­home, lead­ing Jon Snow ( now in charge of the Night’s Watch) to forge a peace treaty with the Wildlings.

Er, that didn’t go down too well. His “broth­ers” in the Watch con­spired to kill him and ap­peared to suc­ceed. Crikey.

Jon’s sis­ters were also pretty mis­er­able. Vengeance- mad Arya joined a creepy death cult and was blinded for her trou­bles.

Long- suf­fer­ing Sansa, mean­while, ended up mar­ry­ing sadis­tic rapist Ram­say Snow. She es­caped with Theon Greyjoy by chuck­ing her­self off a tower, hop­ing that the snow would break their fall – and not their necks. Hodor wasn’t in it, but we can all guess what his di­a­logue would have been like.

Some days you even feel sorry for the Kingslayer.

Last se­ries didn’t end bril­liantly for fan favourite Arya.

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