What we’ve been playing with this month
1 Having a coffee morning with four pals? Then why not match up their personalities with these five Star Wars Pop! Home mugs (FPI price £12.99 each; product codes F4261, F4262, F4263, F4264, F4265)? Darth Vader for the grumpy one, BB-8 for the cute one, Stormtrooper for the mean but clumsy one, Boba Fett for the, er, cunning assassin one, and Chewbacca for… wait a minute! This Chewbacca looks like an Ewok! What’s with those cute eyes? This causes chaos! Look, just get three friends round, not four.
2 Like the fact that practically everything with “Trump” plastered on it is knocked out in the Far East, there’s something ironic about this Captain America character mug (FPI price £8.99; product code F2154) bearing the legend “Made in China”. Hand-painted – by some pretty uninterested employees, judging by the not-exactly-Rembrandt-level quality brushwork – it may look wee compared to the other mugs on these pages, but is actually the perfect size for a regular-sized dose of PG Tips. We tested this by decanting water into it and everything! This is why we get paid the big bucks, folks.
3 Let’s face it, criminal psychosis isn’t so cute. But one look at this range of Suicide Squad Metals die-fast figures (FPI price £10.99 each; product codes F3569, F3623, F3624, F3625, F3626) will melt your moral objections. The line-up includes Killer Croc, a masked Deadshot (doubtlessly cheaper than the rights to Will Smith’s mush) and Harley Quinn, complete with outsize baseball bat for those oh-so-adorable acts of grievous bodily harm. Jared Leto’s
sleazeball crime clown is available in two variants. They all have swivelling hips, the minxes.
4 Pay tribute to the Ancient One with this hand-painted resin figure of the squid-faced geezer. It’s nicely detailed and heavy enough to bash any unwanted cultists on the bonce. It’s just part of a Cthulhu the Ancient One tribute box
(FPI price £11.24; product code C9769) which also includes a book on Cthulhu lore. The essay in this is good, but the book is padded with pages on Metallica’s Ride The
Lightning album cover (because of the song “Call Of Ktulu”) and two pages on @WstonesOxfordSt’s Twitter account...
5 Spare a thought for this ThunderCats Mega Scale
Lion-O (FPI price £34.99; product code D5362) – the poor bugger’s been sentenced to a lifetime imprisoned in a display box with “cute” sidekick Snarf. Luckily, the lord of the ThunderCats has some toys to help him occupy the time, namely a Claw Shield, and not one but two Swords of Omens – one version in its closed-eye stumpy version, the other eye-open and extended. ThunderChum Tygra is also available – he comes with a bolo whip and crucially, no Snarf.
6 It may feel like there’s nothing left that hasn’t yet been turned into a Funko Pop! figure, but we’ve thought of a few gaps in the market. There’s still room for dictator, serial killer and personification of abstract concept ranges, allowing you to buy cutesy plastic simulacra of Pol Pot, Jeffrey Dahmer and Ennui. After that, the next logical step is Funko Pops of all seven billion people on the planet. Plus variants with all seven billion wearing different jumpers. Anyway, here’s Scott Pilgrim vs The World Pop!
vinyl figures (FPI price £8.69 each; product codes F3242, F3243, F3244) of Scott, Ramona Flowers and Knives Chau. May their Smartie-eyed fizzogs distract you from the ceaseless background hum of the grinding death engines of capitalism for a few seconds.