Is it time to spring clean your relationship?
The most common mistake couples in crisis make is seeking help when it’s too late, according to psychotherapist and leading relationship expert Melissa Ferrari.
“Couples wait an average of six unhappy years before getting counselling. Many times, the built-up resentment has by then become too over-powering and one person may have already given up. Relationship counselling works but, ideally, it shouldn’t be a last-minute resort,” she said.
Instead, Melissa advises couples to conduct an annual evaluation of their love lives.
“We organise yearly health checks with doctors and dentists, so why shouldn’t we take our relationships just as seriously?” she said.
“Every year, on your anniversary or on a special date night, take some time together to reAEect on and discuss your relationship. Are you happy? What should you be doing more or less of ? Consider seeing a counsellor for guidance because they can help resolve quarrels before they turn into big problems and even pre-empt a separation down the track.”
Melissa says spring, the traditional time for courtship and romance, is the perfect time to give your relationship an annual health check.
What are the signs that you need couple counselling? Below, Melissa lists the most common relationship red AEags. You keep having the same arguments Is your marriage a version of Groundhog Day in all the wrong ways? Do you have the same disagreements on the same issues over and over again? Therapy can help you not only understand why you keep having recurring issues, but help you resolve them once and for all. You’ve stopped being intimate
Don’t remember the last time you had sex, kissed or even held hands? Intimacy is considered a barometer for your relationship. Couple counselling can help uncover the real reason behind the lack of physical closeness and help reignite the Åre. You Ånd fault in everything your partner does
Do you criticise your partner for everything they do and don’t do? Do you bad-mouth your other half in front of friends and family? Resentment is at the root of many toxic relationships, but by seeking help, both parties can get the right tools for overcoming bitterness and rebuilding a healthy relationship. You lead separate lives
Are you more housemates than lovers? A therapist can help you reconnect with your partner on a romantic level and remind you of why you fell in love in the Årst place. You don’t trust your partner
When you trust someone, you feel physically and emotionally safe with them. Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship, and if it is missing — whether your partner has broken that conÅdence or if you have inherent trust issues — it is a problem that requires resolving. A counsellor can help with establishing and restoring trust. You have Ånancial Åghts Money is the cause of many relationship breakdowns and divorces, even when it
comes to couples that are Ånancially well off. We Åght over Ånancial matters because we tend to have different, deeply-rooted beliefs about the best way to use money. Relationship counselling can help you understand your partner’s differing point of view and guide you both towards a resolution. You feel like your partner doesn’t listen to you
Do you feel ignored by your partner? No matter how many times you’ve said something, he/she doesn’t listen? Communication is key in happy relationships, and it is indeed a two-way street. Couple counselling can help you both improve your communication skills. You’re thinking about having an affair
Social media has made it easier than ever to cheat, so if you Ånd yourself sending AEirty messages to co-workers, friends or even strangers, you are one step closer to having an affair. Couple therapy can help explore what it is you’re lacking in your current relationship and solve the problem if you cross that line.