Oh granny, you say the strangest things

South Burnett Times - - TREND - with Letea Ca­van­der

SOME­TIMES, to stop the ball of anger that forms in my stom­ach over Pres­i­dent Don­ald Trump’s state­ments, I think about him as an old granny. What do you mean, Iran, Iraq, Libya, So­ma­lia, Su­dan, Syria and Ye­men can’t come around any­more, Granny Trump? I mean, I guess you said all those things about them at that heinously long pic­nic, but I didn’t think you MEANT it.

Of course Pappa Wash­ing­ton isn’t too happy about it, Granny. Hey now, Cousin Vir­ginia is more than ca­pa­ble of mak­ing up her own mind. Granny Trump! You most cer­tainly do not have to keep treat­ing her or any other woman like **it.

Iran, “#1 in ter­ror”, isn’t re­ally a valid ar­gu­ment about this ban, Granny Trump. And hon­estly, who gave you the phone again? I mean, I’m im­pressed you can use Twit­ter, but I thought af­ter the last few in­ci­dents we had de­cided it was best for you to give your de­vices to nurse Spicer.

But, to be com­pletely hon­est, I’m start­ing to won­der about him a lit­tle bit, too. He keeps get­ting names wrong. Trum­bull, he keeps say­ing. Must have had you on his mind. But back to those tweets. Granny, are you sure you are feel­ing well, lately? We must re­ally talk about a cou­ple of them.

“I have in­structed Home­land Se­cu­rity to check peo­ple com­ing into our coun­try VERY CARE­FULLY. The courts are mak­ing the job very dif­fi­cult!”

“The judge opens up our coun­try to po­ten­tial ter­ror­ists and oth­ers that do not have our best in­ter­ests at heart. Bad peo­ple are very happy!”

Well, I guess bad peo­ple are as happy, sad and an­gry as other peo­ple. And what makes them bad? We need specifics, here, Granny. And re­mem­ber, some folk from Iraq and other places are es­cap­ing those aw­ful ar­gu­ments that keep go­ing on in other re­tire­ment vil­lages. Some of them are no longer safe in their own rooms.

Your re­tire­ment vil­lage is so peace­ful, by com­par­i­son. Don’t for­get, some of those Iraqis helped your lot out when you crashed their se­niors’ party, un­in­vited, all those years ago.

Al­right, calm down. Let’s talk about some­thing else. Now, wasn’t Me­la­nia fetch­ing in blue at that party the other day? I mean, for off-the-rack, the out­fit fit­ted her down to the ground. Yes, yes, Granny Trump. I be­lieve you could have pulled off ex­actly the same “on-som” in the 60s. Of course, blue is your colour.

What was that, Granny Trump? What did you say about a pussy? You want to grab it? Is your cat miss­ing? I’m not sur­prised af­ter the way you have been treat­ing it lately.

Now, Granny Trump, why don’t you fin­ish that cup of tea and lie down. No? How about a hair­cut then? You’ve had that style for a while. Why don’t we try a perm?

Don’t for­get, some of those Iraqis helped your lot out when you crashed their se­niors’ party, un­in­vited...

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