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A WOMAN is hav­ing a heart at­tack, and has a vi­sion of God. “Will I die?” she asks him. “No,” God replies. “You will live for an­other 40 years, two months and 12 days.”

So af­ter she has re­cov­ered from her heart at­tack, she de­cides to make the most of her life. She gets a facelift, li­po­suc­tion and a tummy tuck. She even gets a surgery to per­ma­nently change the colour of her hair.

Af­ter her fi­nal surgery, she walks out and gets hit by a car and dies. Once in heaven, she meets God, and she’s ro­peable. “What the hell was that?” she de­mands. “What do you mean?” God re­sponds. “You died.” “You said I would live an­other 40 years!” “Oh,” God says, and thinks silently for a bit. “Sorry, I didn’t recog­nise you.” May Koaver, email

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