G’DAY, Brian Plankkman here. I just spent the weekend with me young fella Redmond and we got on the turps. Redmond even brought a carton with him; first time he’s had a shout. Normally he wouldn’t shout even if a D10 ’dozer parked on his foot!
Anyway, the loyal old-school readers might be interested to know I still got me Belmont ute. She runs a 186 red and sounds like Olivia Newton-john reaching climax at full noise.
A few years ago I emptied me cash drawer and purchased a VE 6.0-litre ute from Bathurst Holden, and bloody hell, the thing would pull a sailor off me sister it is that strong! Last Fridee night we went to Blaney Chinese for a feed and on the way home I gave the ute the berries. We got home before the dim sims got cold – that friggin’ EFI Chev goes like a pill freak at the Big Day Out.
Jeez, it’s a shame that these days local blokes can’t buy a Holden ute. I blame the Leyland Brothers – they started all this offroad rubbish. Really, who wants to go look at red rocks and lizards in low-four at 3mph?
I remember when I was a young fella we used to fettle the old donk in the FX-FJ to try and pull 100mph – or the odd jilly from Bathurst Ag College. A 186S badge was worn with honour. Seems these days the young bulls are too busy chasing Pokemon on Facebook to worry about holding a Holden throttle flatter than hammered shit.
Bloody hell, I cannot believe we live in a sunburnt country that will not support a locally built V8. We might as well be New Zealand with more vowels!
Brian Plankkman (transcribed by Redmond), email