revels in her role as an unapologetic stickybeak.
If you wait long enough, what is your shortcoming will eventually become your strength. Look, for instance, at the Kardashian girls. Even if you don’t want to. Because, truly, if you don’t, you’re hurting them. Particularly Kim. See, once upon a time, her level of vanity and predilection for petty personal machinations would have been deeplyply disapproved of – or at least ignored – if only because there was no platform for a woman like her to exist. Now, thanks to reality TV and Instagram, m, she whirls around in a dizzyingzzying eddy of self-absorption, bsorption, exposed nippleses and panting selfies. s.
Kim is fetedd as a modern-day muse and “businesswoman”. man”. Her time, you see, has come – even down to her anatomy. With her shiny,ny, well-basted, extraordinary y buttocks perpetually presented, resented, it is almost impossible ossible to imagine what t would have become of KikiKi in an era before the anacondaaconda didn’t “want none unlessnless you got buns, hun”. Her er existence is a perfect example xample of persisting withth your passions while le you wait for the world to catch up. The Kardashians are a bit like the macaron. For years, that gorgeouslooking Gallic confection could only be found in French bakeries. They were so fiddly to make, apparently. But now, precisely because of that, they have become the base camp of peak Masterchef. They’re everywhere. If youy think I disapprovepp of this life cycle, you would be incorrect.incorrect That would be as futile as hatin hating gravity. But also, I myself have ind indulged in my own weakness. And t the world has now stepped up to m meet me. You see, I am an una unapologetic stickybeak – what onceon would have been known a as a “nosy parker” or “terrible“terribl snoop”. In a restaurant, I am a skilled and dedi dedicated eavesdropper; ini the stupormarket, I peer into the other shoppers’s baskets to peruse their purchases; at the ATM,A I read the transaction receiptsre left behind by strangers.strang But the greate greatest manifestation ofo my cat-killing curiositycurio comes in real estate. I really, really like looki looking inside people’s homes homes. It doesn’t matter if the h home is humble or gra grand. Old or new. Big or small. I simply cann cannot see that red “open” flag a-wavin’ without going in to have a peek at any joint that is, like Kimmy K, open for inspection.
And I am not alone. Our entire island continent has become entranced by the notion of “shelter”, in all its varying forms. And that real-estate obsession has actually led me to my perfect job.
For the past six months, I have been travelling around, looking at some of this country’s most amazing homes. The sorts of places that, even if they were to come on the market, would never hold an “open house”; the sorts of places you would never normally, unless you’re on the market for a $40 million home, get to see inside. Mostly, they are eye-bogglingly opulent. Sometimes they are eccentric. They’re not so much real estate as unreal estate – which is actually the name of the TV show we made.
Because, these days, we’re all a little bit Kardashian, aren’t we?
If there’s no picture; it never actually happened.
Kate co-hosts Hughesy & Kate, 4–6pm, weekdays, on the KIIS FM network.
“At the ATM, I read the transaction receipts left behind by strangers”