Gourmet is mainstream and everyone who’s ever ordered no pickles on their burger now thinks they are a foodie. So let’s sort the wannabes from the true food obsessives
Are you a foodie? Take the quiz.
YOU can always spot the food nerd but the question is, are you one? I have devised this simple quiz to ascertain your level of food nerdery. Score one point for each statement that applies to you.
1) When looking for photos of your children/cat/dog/camper trailer on your phone to show your workmates you end up flipping through endless pictures of things you’ve cooked or eaten first. 2) You are not embarrassed by this. 3) You read cookbooks in bed. 4) You have enough cookbooks to build a sizeable fort but you only actually cook from 10 of them. The rest sit reassuringly unbothered on the shelves taking up space just in case you need inspiration. 5) You know that “wormwood and ferret” isn’t a flavour of Zumbo macarons but “wasabi and ginger” and “choc mayonnaise” are. 6) When travelling you spend more time researching what and where to eat than what to see, do, or where to stay. 7) You no longer send postcards but post photos of your meals instead. 8) You find yourself discussing where to eat next while sitting in a restaurant you’ve waited six months to get into. 9) Some have spice racks, you have a spice drawer… or drawers. 10) You have more than one type of salt. 11) Score double points if you have any of the following: Kalahari bush salt, Korean roasted salt, Himalayan pink salt, black salt, Hawaiian red clay salt. 12) You’ve learnt from experience that the only Tim Tams worth buying are the original and the double choc. 13) You know who Heston, Nigella, Manu, Marco, Jamie, George and Gary are. 14) You know silicon is for spatulas, baking moulds and oven gloves. 15) One day you will throw out all those old food magazines but you never know when you’ll need an authentic 1987 recipe for Atlantic salmon with a cream and limoncello sauce. 16) You know that only one of these is a Masterchef winner: Enver Hoxha, Kim Jong Il, Billie Mckay, Kendall Jenner, Zoltan the Impaler. (Be careful! Remember there are Masterchef competitions in over 50 countries but “world domination” is usually excluded as a foodie dream. So this counts out Kendall.) 17) When watching Rake, you fantasise about meeting Richard Roxburgh – but only so you can persuade him to ask his wife, Silvia Colloca, for her focaccia recipe. 18) When you hear the name Matt you think of Moran rather than Le Nevez. 19) Score one point for each of the following that you have in your kitchen: pasta maker / spiralizer / stand mixer / stick blender / food processor / $2000+ smoothie maker / ice cream maker / juicer / cold press juicer / Manu / “healthy blender” you bought off late night TV while feeling guilty about eating that whole block of chocolate / jaffle maker / sandwich press / Gary / pie maker that has to live in the shed (with that old breadmaker you “can’t bear to throw away”) because you’ve got no more space in your kitchen cupboards. 20) Add an extra point for any of these that you own but haven’t used in the last year. (And if you said yes to “Gary” please give him back as we need him for the next series of Masterchef.)
HOW YOU SCORED
Under 5pts: Enjoy your Happy Meal. 6-14pts: Great start but expect true fully fledged food nerds to look down on you and give you patronising foodie presents like a wooden spoon (with instructions) or a cake mix. 15-24pts: Welcome to the ranks of true food nerdery. Can we interest you in a subscription to delicious. magazine? 25-30pts: Sorry, this quiz was not intended for Masterchef judges like you. Over 30pts: You’re either a liar or me.