There are some things about Aussies the world will never un­der­stand – namely those foods we can’t get enough of. It’s hope­less try­ing to ex­plain them. Let’s just tuck in and be proud

Sunday Herald Sun - Stellar - - Delicious - What have we missed? Post your sug­ges­tions for the Aussie fare you think is mis­un­der­stood at @mattscra­vat, #roll­callof­shame

AROUND the world there are dishes that make no sense to the Aussie palate. Most of us turn our noses up at things like 1000-year-old eggs in China, the sludgy flesh of pre­served Thai mountain crabs or the men’s-toi­lets-af­ter-a-big-barns­ey­con­cert stink of durian fruit.

But this begs the ques­tion – what do Aussies love to eat that no one else gets? Here are my top 10 con­tenders for the Aussie Foodie Roll Call Of Shame.


Aus­tralians have had a long love af­fair with the sav – bat­tered or not. Sold from carts in Mel­bourne’s al­leys as “cut­throats” 150 years ago, they were a street snack, slit and slathered in tomato sauce. We love them so much we’ve given them a whole list of friendly names like “chee­rios”, “footy franks” or the slightly more un­com­fort­able “lit­tle boys”.


You can al­ways tell a lo­cal del­i­cacy when it has dif­fer­ent names in dif­fer­ent states. So it is with this dense roll of porky de­li­cious­ness. Tourists who baulk at its slight rub­ber­i­ness in a white bread and tomato sauce sand­wich – sigh! – have ob­vi­ously never mi­crowaved those slices un­til they get a lit­tle crispy at the edges.


The “dirty street pie” with “dead horse” served on top of soupy mushy peas is bad enough. But to call it a pie floater is an in­stant con­cern to any­one who un­der­stands Aussie toi­let hu­mour. These are the same peo­ple who are scared to visit Lon­don’s fa­mous “gas­tro pubs”.


Over­seas you can can a sar­dine, a tuna or even a crab but sug­gest can­ning oys­ters and eye­brows shoot up faster than Billy the Kid with lard-greased hol­sters. To make mat­ters worse, here we smoke them be­fore serv­ing on soggy SAOS.


Like its broth­ers, the Chiko roll and the potato cake, vis­i­tors just ask one thing about these. Why?


Likened to a del­i­cate, French mille­feuille, but with a cus­tard so bouncy you might think it was made in a tyre fac­tory, the hum­ble vanilla slice is a hard sell. Just be­tween us, when it comes to the “snot block”, I think our for­eign guests might be right.


You can usu­ally sell tra­di­tional Twisties to back­pack­ers as there’s a univer­sal love of junky faked cheese flavours. But un­less they truly ap­pre­ci­ate chicken salt, they’ll baulk at this vari­a­tion.


Ex­plain­ing that our na­tional spread was orig­i­nally made from the yeasty left­over scraped from beer bar­rels seems to do lit­tle to per­suade peo­ple that this is some form of Aussie black gold rather than the scrap­ings from un­der Satan’s toe­nails.


Of­fen­sive as this is for some, we are not alone in our love of pineap­ple on pizza. Pop­ping pineap­ple in a burger, how­ever, is far more unique and there­fore far more bam­boo­zling to tourists, es­pe­cially when pick­led beet­root is also added.


This looks so beau­ti­ful with its vel­vety choco­late coat flecked with co­conut, but re­ally it’s a sponge in dis­guise. Like when you peel off the rib­bons and pa­per from that ex­trav­agently wrapped Christ­mas present from your mum to dis­cover it’s just an­other pair of black socks.

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