“The most chal­leng­ing of all Yule­tide events is the Work Christ­mas Party ”

Sunday Herald Sun - Stellar - - News - kate langbroek Kate co-hosts Hugh­esy & Kate, 4–6pm week­days, on the KIIS FM net­work.

Hark! What sound from yon­der breaks? The sleigh bells are jan­gling, Bublé is croon­ing and the corks are a-pop­pin’. All of this her­alds the ar­rival of Yule, which, I re­alise, , I haven’t yet pre­pared you for.

This year we seemed to sud­denly leap from the e rit­ual, “Can you be­lieve it’s April l al­ready?” chat with Karen inn Ac­counts, to the im­pend­ing,ing, any-sec­ond-now, chim­ney-thump y-thump of Christ­mas.as. And I must as­sist you u to ne­go­ti­ate the sea­son, which, while it is full of jolly and holly, may al­soo be marked by folly and d re­gret.

I speak, ak, of course, of the of­fic­ef­fice par­ties, the most t chal­leng­ing of all the e Yule­tide cel­e­bra­tions. ions. As bru­tal as Tough h Mud­der, the Work Christ­mas hrist­mas Party – oth­er­wis­ese known as The Guar­an­teed eed Way to Wreck Your Ca­reer/re­la­tion­ship/ reer/re­la­tion­ship/ New Of­fic­ef­fice Pho­to­copier – is a mine­field.ne­field. So I’m here to share­hare what I know. And to re­mind you it’s silly sea­son, stupid, not stupid sea­son, silly!

The fol­low­ing ol­low­ing are the rules s of the Work Christ­mas Party (WCP). Ig­nore them if you wish (just as you may try to ig­nore Ben from Ware­house when he goes all Charlie Sheen on you af­ter eight pros­ec­cos and a wheel of Blue Castello). Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.

1. Pace your­self. The WCP is the so so­cial equiv­a­lent of those marathon­s­marathon they run in the Gobi Desert Desert: pure en­durance. Sur­vival comes down to hy­dra­tion hy­dra­tion, good footwear and sheer grit. And breath mints.

2. Re­spect your bet­ters bet­ters. Best on ground at the WCPW is never the per­son you you’d ex­pect. Here, the last manm (or wo­man) stand­ing is nor­mally the mildest of col­leagues… FOR THE OTHER 364 DAYS OF THE YEAR. Tonight, they they’ll be slur­ring the lyrics to “Time Of Your Life” in­toin a mop that was brough brought in to clean up af­ter Re­nee f from Re­cep­tion lost her din­ner.dinn Or chas­ing girls to sit on Santa’s lap and pull some­thing out of his sa sack. Or steal­ing peo­ple’s iph iphones to take self­ies of her cha­boom­bas/his tok­ley tok­ley. Ei­ther way, le­gend stat sta­tus is as­sured. And de­serv de­served.

3. Get your money’s worth. We’ve all seen Kevin from Sales jam a stubby in each pocket, just so his hands are free to build replica Twin Tow­ers out of the ring’o’prawns, and then scoff them while ev­ery­one else is left with the sal­mo­nella dip (no won­der Re­nee was sick). It doesn’t make us like Kevin, but hey, win­ner, win­ner, prawn din­ner.

4. There’s no busi­ness like show busi­ness. If there’s a band, get out your tam­bourine. If there’s a group dance, start bootscootin’. Un­less your boss is like Tom Cruise in Eyes Wide Shut and you’re asked to turn up wear­ing only a hood and a Vi­en­nese mask, it’s bet­ter to par­tic­i­pate. Bet­ter to be the fun fool, than the Grinch feel­ing su­pe­rior from the side­lines.

5. Never get on a boat. I don’t care if it’s a $2 mil­lion su­pery­acht, don’t do it. Be­cause you are trapped out there. And there is nowhere to get off. The most im­por­tant of all WCP rules?

6. Have the mer­ri­est of merry Christ­mases. And re­mem­ber: there are no work friends; there are only friends.

I’m here to re­mind you it’s silly sea­son, stupid, not stupid sea­son, silly!”

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