thinks fashion can be as cruel as a Bad Boyfriend.
Ihave only ever had one Bad Boyfriend in my life. This is pretty fortunate, because we all know friends (or showbiz girls) who have had nothing but BBS. This is not only tiresome for the girls themselves, but for those who love them. See, the rule with a BB seems to be that everyone else can see he’s a cad, but you u cannot.
And there’s no pointint being smug if you’ve never fallen prey to one, because Bad Boyfriend syndrome doesn’t justst happen in human form. For example, I prefer to think I capped my BBB count at one because e I learnt my lesson so well, I never made those mistakes again. n. But that is the very smugness I just warned ned you about – and it begs gs a tough-love retort. Something like: “If you’re so good at learning life’s ife’s lessons, how do you explain fashion?”
Ah. Yes. There’s a lot of the BB about fashion. on. Just when you think k things are going great, at, “farshun” will throww a party at which every ry hot young thing in the neighbourhood is s present, but to whichh you are not invited. This is known as The Crop Top or Denim Cut-offs. Wherever your physical insecurities lie, fashion will sniff them out and expose them. Which, ironically, means you need to cover them up. It may be your soft underbelly; your thin lips; your overplucked eyebrows that never grew back; youryou short legs. The fact is, like an u unfaithful lover, fashion will alwa always duck and weave and chase th the new, leaving you stuck at ho home sobbing over a glass ofo whiskey only slightlysligh smaller than the muumuu you’re wear wearing, thinking, “Wh “What did I do wrong? W Why did he stop loving me?”me And yet, som sometimes the amazing happens.h Occasionally, a fashion trend is so delightfuldeligh and looks so good on ev everyone that it is irresistible. For instance, in 2017,2 it seems as though notn a single woman in A Australia owns a top that cov covers her shoulders. Even if i it’s not the full “I’m a milk milkmaid, come to the tavern lat later to watch me pour jugs of mead in a comely fashion for sw sweating sailors, who I will then carouse with to a rollicking tun tune”
off-the-shoulder number, it will be the more sophisticated “cold-shoulder” cut-out, with a tantalising flash of skin. And what a gift that has been. See, EVERYBODY has shoulders. And EVERYBODY’S shoulders look sweet peeping out from a dress or top. And it makes EVERYBODY feel good to be able to play the game of fashion together and to feel a little bit racy and, as my mum says, “with it”.
Which is why it’s going to come to a sudden, screeching, painful end.
Much as summer has drawn to a close, and autumn is moving in, the shoulder season is over. Our BB wants to move on. He is bored with our scapulas, our clavicles, our rotator cuffs. He wants to see other body parts. Who knows what horror that may entail? A neck-to-knee catsuit with the knees cut out? Arseless chaps?
See, that’s why we love him. He’s so unpredictable and dangerous and wild. He makes us feel alive. And who knows? One day, eventually, surely, he’ll want to settle down. Kate co-hosts Hughesy & Kate, 4–6pm weekdays, on the KIIS FM Network.
“Wherever your physical insecurities lie, fashion will find and expose them”