has an is­sue with the pa­parazzi – they don’t take his pic­ture.

Sunday Herald Sun - Stellar - - Contents - Joe co-hosts Stu­dio 10, 8.30am week­days, on Net­work Ten.

OK, I’m go­ing to come right out and say it: I have a mas­sive prob­lem with the pa­parazzi. No mat­ter where I go, no mat­ter who I’m with, no mat­ter what I’m do­ing, they never take a pic­ture of me.

Hon­estly, whether it’s at my lo­cal Aldi or ask­ing for the generic brand at Price­line or mak­ing my weekly tax-de­ductible do­na­tion at the Bun­nings sausage siz­zle, they just never seem to be around. I don’t know who’s in charge of those guys, but they seem to be miss­ing all the hotspots.

As far as I’m aware, I have had only one en­counter with the paps, namely when some­one took a pic­ture of me walk­ing downown the street and then tried to sell it to The Daily Tele­graph.

I later learnt the fi­nal bid­ding price was $3.50, a fig­ure the Tele­graph pic­ture ed­i­tor ul­ti­mately re­jected as “a bit pricey”.

This was as per­haps partly be­cause, at the time, I was seated about three desks away eat­ing a bucket of KFC, or maybe just good fi­nan­cial in­stincts. Ei­ther way, I man­aged to get out of the build­ing un­scathed. Of course if I were a real celebrity I’m sure the pa­parazzi would be in­va­sive, ag­gres­sive and un­scrupu­lous. But the good news is, it’s not par­tic­u­larly hard not to be a celebrity. All you have to do is, well, not be a celebrity. In fact most peo­ple I know man­age to do it ev­ery day. Which is why – and I’m just go­ing out on a limb here – most peo­ple are be­mused when ac­tual celebri­ties com­plain about get­ting un­wanted at at­ten­tion. Sure, in a per­fect world you would be cel­e­brated purely for your con­tri­bu­tion to the arts or the pur­suit of phys­i­cal per­fec­tion, but the real world of­ten seems to dis­ap­point in that re­gard. The prob­lem with be­ing a celebrity is that it of­ten comes with be­ing fa­mous – although cer­tainly not al­ways as many re­al­ity TV stars will at­test. This means the pub­lic wants to know stuff about you, which in turn cre­ates a de­mand for blurry lon­grange pho­tos of non­plussed fa­cial ex­pres­sions which in turn causes other peo­ple to con­clude you’ve ei­ther just had a shock break-up or are in the mid­dle of a shock rec­on­cil­i­a­tion. Of­ten both!

In many ways, this could ac­tu­ally be help­ful. As it stands, if I want to know if my wife is di­vorc­ing me, I have to hack into her Face­book ac­count. But if I ever make the big time, I can just buy a copy of New Idea.

Of course, I know what you’re think­ing: “Joe, you’re just des­per­ately jeal­ous that truly fa­mous peo­ple like Jonathan Cole­man get pho­tographed and you don’t.” But in fact that’s only 99 per cent of the point.

What I’m re­ally try­ing to say to my gen­uine fel­low celebri­ties is: re­lax! If be­ing fa­mous is hon­estly that bad, we can all go and get jobs in a coal mine some­where.

But let’s not get caught up in frip­pery here.

It’s not the end of the world that peo­ple are tak­ing your pho­to­graph – it’s when they stop tak­ing it that you re­ally have to worry.

Also, I’m avail­able for Mc-ing work and trivia nights if any­one would like to contact my agent.

“I have a mas­sive prob­lem with the pa­parazzi. They never take a pic­ture of me”

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