OSCAR CAINER Your weekly stars.
TAURUS (April 21–May 21)
Two plus two equals 33. Why? Oh, no reason. I just thought I’d say that. From now on, that’s the rule. You can’t have an explanation. Now how do you feel? And where else are wildly illogical statements being delivered in an apparently incontrovertible tone? Don’t let these demoralise you. The obstructions you face may seem insurmountable, and the arguments may seem to be going nowhere, but as Mercury returns to your sign, a sense of reason will be restored. Don’t worry about the future. Call 1900 957 223.
GEMINI (May 22–Jun 22)
Many years ago, I rode a jetski. It was tremendous fun, but that’s partly because every time I fell off, the magnetic key that was attached to me with a cord would disengage from the motor. There’s a chance your life has lately resembled being dragged behind waves at breakneck speed. You’ll soon feel more confident and able to face your challenges. Just four minutes on the phone will give you the key to a happier life. Call 1900 957 223.
CANCER ( Jun 23–Jul 23)
Where’s your magic wand? Where’s your spell book, your broomstick, your cat? Your powers are more real and down-toearth. You’re the kind of miracle worker who requires no ritual or rigmarole; your power comes from somewhere else. It will not always manifest to order, but when you really need it, it’s there for you. Don’t underestimate your powers. For important news about the big changes due in your life, call 1900 957 223.
LEO ( Jul 24–Aug 23)
Recently I read an article that suggested a Dutch scientist has found a way to reverse ageing in mice. Unless you have sprouted a tail, this may be of no consequence. But could this be the first step towards halting the ageing process? Perhaps it’s more practical to have a youthful outlook. Think about how you can balance your maturity with child-like enthusiasm this week. Don’t worry about the future. Call 1900 957 223.
VIRGO (Aug 24–Sep 23)
When the ruler of your sign moves into a new part of the zodiac, you may find it hard to relax. There’s something about the cosmic climate that causes us to find more faults and question what we’ve been told. Yet it’s at such times that we become more able to see solutions to problems we have been wrestling with for ages.
No matter how annoying a situation may be, it must be worth another try! Just four minutes on the phone will give you the key to a happier life. Call 1900 957 223.
LIBRA (Sep 24–Oct 23)
If there’s a piano in your vicinity, perhaps you should finger the keys. Start at C (the one just to the left of the two black notes), and play the next-but-one white note (E), as well as the fifth note (G), all at the same time. The sound symbolises the theme for your week: harmony. There’s potential to strike a balance between your roots and grow closer to someone. For important news about the big changes due in your life, call 1900 957 223.
SCORPIO (Oct 24–Nov 22)
Beware unwanted visitors this week. I don’t mean friends looking for a space on your couch – I mean the moods and attitudes we sometimes allow into our lives by mistake. We think they’re only passing through – next thing we know they’ve taken over. As your two rulers make a sharp angle, if pessimism or doubt come calling, tell them that you’re sorry, but you’ve got no room. Don’t worry about the future. Call 1900 957 223.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23–Dec 21)
We all experience feelings of “buyer’s remorse”: that instant regret when we commit to a purchase. It doesn’t just appear in financial matters – we’re capable of wobbling in any walk of life once we realise we’re closing the door on the way we’ve come. Lately you’ve been making some important changes. Trust that you’re on the right path. Just four minutes on the phone will give you the key to a happier life. Call 1900 957 223.
CAPRICORN (Dec 22–Jan 20)
“There’s no point locking the stable door once the horse has bolted.” This phrase is used to describe the actions of people who try to protect themselves from threats that have already passed. But if the door has been left unbolted yet no loss has been experienced, it makes sense to implement some defensive measures. As your ruler repeats its link with Uranus, be careful now, but don’t worry too much. For news about the big changes due in your life, call 1900 957 223.
AQUARIUS ( Jan 21–Feb 19)
This week, your sign’s rulers make a supportive link to each other. It affects the zodiac, but you especially. You’ve made an effort to change something for the better this year, but you’re coming to a point where your resolve will be tested. This is a time for standing firm and remaining positive. Don’t let this fool you into believing that your dreams are out of reach. You don’t need to worry about the future. Call 1900 957 223.
PISCES (Feb 20–Mar 20)
Jupiter has been your ruler for thousands of years. Neptune is a more recent discovery. We associate both these celestial bodies with Pisces. Right now, the two form a spike in the sky. The symbolism is clear: use this energy to break through a barrier. Your heart and mind may not be in complete agreement, but any friction this creates can be a catalyst for historic success. Just four minutes on the phone will give you the key to a happier life. Call 1900 957 223.
ARIES (Mar 21–Apr 20)
In copyright law, it’s understood that an idea can’t be copyrighted. Something needs to exist physically before anyone can lay a claim on it. This week brings you the chance to turn blueprints into material gain. But it will take firm commitment to make these changes permanent. If you just put your heart and soul into it, you won’t be short of opportunities. For news about the big changes due in your life, call 1900 957 223.