“In the spirit of transparency, here history…” is my complete browser
“‘How do stop my child from picking their nose?’ I have Googled this”
We all know the search history on your computer can reveal a lot. For some, maybe too much – which could lead to the total breakdown of a relationship. Or, it could end up putting a brand new spark into a potentially flatlining relationship. To each their own.
However, I like to think of the browser history as a sneak peek into our brains. Into our psyche. A peek behind the curtains into someone’s life.
So to keep up with the modern trend of being “transparent” I’m willing, right here and now, to open up the contents of my searches for all and sundry. (I will leave out any Googling of my own name to cut time.) OK, here I go… How can I improve my sleep? We’ve all been here. In this modern world, with multiple children, we have definitely searched this one. In fact, Google told me this has 93 million results!
How high is too high for a child to fall before I should take them to the hospital? I’m not ashamed to say, as a parent, this is usually when I have wound up with the kids alone on a rainy afternoon, and I’m trying to wear them out. It often ends with jumping on a couch or bed. It always starts out as fun until Dad gets carried away with how fun he’s being. How do I stop my child from picking his/ her nose? I have actually Googled this and not been satisfied with the answer. I would have thought after centuries of raising kids and, after a kajillion parenting books, this would’ve been a no-brainer. Turns out, not so. How do I stop my child from eating their boogers? Following on from the above but with a higher degree of urgency, because this act makes me feel physically ill. The result is the same as above. Seriously science, get onto this. How much time can be spent away from direct sunlight before kids develop rickets? Actually, I think my wife used my computer and I found this in the old Google Chrome log. She’s from England. Rickets may still be a thing there, I’m not sure. I do know rickets has nothing to do with Brexit, because I checked. They just sound similar. Always learning… How much sleep can I lose before it
actually kills me? Fun fact, in rats it’s 11–32 days. I could not find a definitive answer for humans. I have twins and this was searched
around the one-year mark. I must have been pretty desperate.
How long will it take me to dry out a remote control after it has been in a child’s mouth? Self-explanatory, really. There was no answer. I just waited it out. Took three days. Three long, television-less days.
Why does my child snore? I think you can see a pattern start to emerge here and you can also see I’m Googling mostly in the middle of the night due to my kids being so damn noisy.
Enlarged tonsils/adenoids in kids. As fun as this list is to write, I actually learnt something. This is fairly common and can cause all sorts of problems if left undiagnosed. Your child losing sleep means they may have trouble concentrating in class, or their energy levels may be noticeably lower. Also, did you know it can cause bedwetting? Yep, I saved you a search there.
Best earplugs to sleep in. Look, I’m obviously very tired. I think I might just go and have a nap.