“In the spirit of trans­parency, here his­tory…” is my com­plete browser

Sunday Herald Sun - Stellar - - David Campbell - David co-hosts To­day Ex­tra, 9am weekdays, on the Nine Net­work.

“‘How do stop my child from pick­ing their nose?’ I have Googled this”

We all know the search his­tory on your com­puter can re­veal a lot. For some, maybe too much – which could lead to the to­tal break­down of a re­la­tion­ship. Or, it could end up putting a brand new spark into a po­ten­tially flatlin­ing re­la­tion­ship. To each their own.

How­ever, I like to think of the browser his­tory as a sneak peek into our brains. Into our psy­che. A peek be­hind the cur­tains into some­one’s life.

So to keep up with the mod­ern trend of be­ing “trans­par­ent” I’m will­ing, right here and now, to open up the con­tents of my searches for all and sundry. (I will leave out any Googling of my own name to cut time.) OK, here I go… How can I im­prove my sleep? We’ve all been here. In this mod­ern world, with mul­ti­ple chil­dren, we have def­i­nitely searched this one. In fact, Google told me this has 93 mil­lion re­sults!

How high is too high for a child to fall be­fore I should take them to the hospi­tal? I’m not ashamed to say, as a par­ent, this is usu­ally when I have wound up with the kids alone on a rainy af­ter­noon, and I’m try­ing to wear them out. It of­ten ends with jump­ing on a couch or bed. It al­ways starts out as fun un­til Dad gets car­ried away with how fun he’s be­ing. How do I stop my child from pick­ing his/ her nose? I have ac­tu­ally Googled this and not been sat­is­fied with the an­swer. I would have thought after cen­turies of rais­ing kids and, after a ka­jil­lion par­ent­ing books, this would’ve been a no-brainer. Turns out, not so. How do I stop my child from eat­ing their boogers? Fol­low­ing on from the above but with a higher de­gree of ur­gency, be­cause this act makes me feel phys­i­cally ill. The re­sult is the same as above. Se­ri­ously sci­ence, get onto this. How much time can be spent away from di­rect sun­light be­fore kids de­velop rick­ets? Ac­tu­ally, I think my wife used my com­puter and I found this in the old Google Chrome log. She’s from Eng­land. Rick­ets may still be a thing there, I’m not sure. I do know rick­ets has noth­ing to do with Brexit, be­cause I checked. They just sound sim­i­lar. Al­ways learn­ing… How much sleep can I lose be­fore it

ac­tu­ally kills me? Fun fact, in rats it’s 11–32 days. I could not find a de­fin­i­tive an­swer for hu­mans. I have twins and this was searched

around the one-year mark. I must have been pretty des­per­ate.

How long will it take me to dry out a re­mote con­trol after it has been in a child’s mouth? Self-ex­plana­tory, re­ally. There was no an­swer. I just waited it out. Took three days. Three long, tele­vi­sion-less days.

Why does my child snore? I think you can see a pat­tern start to emerge here and you can also see I’m Googling mostly in the mid­dle of the night due to my kids be­ing so damn noisy.

En­larged ton­sils/ade­noids in kids. As fun as this list is to write, I ac­tu­ally learnt some­thing. This is fairly com­mon and can cause all sorts of prob­lems if left un­di­ag­nosed. Your child los­ing sleep means they may have trou­ble con­cen­trat­ing in class, or their en­ergy lev­els may be no­tice­ably lower. Also, did you know it can cause bed­wet­ting? Yep, I saved you a search there.

Best earplugs to sleep in. Look, I’m ob­vi­ously very tired. I think I might just go and have a nap.

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