JOE HILDEBRAND

Sunday Herald Sun - Stellar - - Contents -

be­lieves you’re not a real celebrity un­til you’re in a feud.

The whole world breathed a sigh of re­lief re­cently when, after years of un­cer­tainty, volatil­ity, ha­tred and de­spair, the hope for a last­ing peace was fi­nally within sight.

Yes, , Katy Perry has an­nounced that she’she’s pre­pared to end her feud with Tay­lor Swift.

The hos­til­i­ties had be­gun with an ar­gu­ment ument over back-up dancers rs – which is, in­ci­den­tally, the same me rea­son my first wife left me e – but it now ap­pears that Kay-pay ay-pay is ready to both for­givee and apol­o­gise to Tay-tay y for what­ever it is she hass or hasn’t done.

Be­cause ause that is the beauty of the feud – it doesn’t mat­ter r what it’s about, all that mat­ters is it’s on.

Therere is an old rule in pol­i­tics s that if you haven’t heard a ru­mour by 9am, start one ne your­self. And the same goes for show­biz: if you’re not in a feud with some­body, ody, you had bet­ter get in one. . No­body re­mem­bers the story about how every­one was re­ally good friends that time.

In Aus­tralia, the feu­dal sys­tem de­pends ds on where you are from.

In Syd­ney you can be guar­an­teed nteed you are al­ways s feud­ing with at least six ix peo­ple, you’re just never en­tirely sure who they are un­til one of them buys your com­pany. In Mel­bourne only two peo­ple may feud at a time and it’s usu­ally set­tled by a dawn face-off in which one p party hands the other a slightly over-ro over-roasted latte. In Bris­bane feuds tendten to orig­i­nate over whose turntu it is to buy a round and the mat­term is usu­ally set­tled by a cold schooner or a punch in the face. And in Can­berra every­body is feud­ing with ever every­body all of the time, it’s jus just that no­body else gives a @#$%. Yet both here a and abroad there are coun­tles count­less celebrity feuds that have b been kept quiet over the decades.dec And now, in yet an­oth­eran ex­tra­or­di­nary EXCLU EX­CLU­SIVE, I can re­veal them for the firs first time…

Humphrey B Bear vs Fat Cat. This ti­tanic feud be­tween­be­twe two gi­ants of chil­dren’s TV be­ganb when Humphrey stole Fat Cat’sCat shirt and Fat Cat stole Humphrey Humphrey’s pants. As his­tory has proven, nei nei­ther item was ever re­turned. Mel B vs Mel C. The tw two for­mer Spice Girls were once th the very best of friends un­til a man­ager­mana told them that all fu­ture cr cred­its would be in al­pha­betic alphabetical or­der. Phil Collins vs El­ton John. Ac­cord­ing to leg­end, PhilPhi told El­ton there was only room in Eng­land’s heart for one bald rock star. El­ton replied that he didn’t know what Phil was talk­ing about. Every­one on morn­ing tele­vi­sion vs every­one on morn­ing tele­vi­sion. Ten­sions rose on the set of a break­fast TV show when two hosts dis­agreed with each other on a topic. Those ten­sions were fur­ther in­flamed when both agreed to leak it to the Daily Mail. The Bea­tles vs The Rolling Stones. This un­be­com­ing ri­valry be­tween two ob­scure alt-rock groups reached new lows in 2010 when an un­named party tried to per­suade Ma­roon 5 to re­lease a song called ‘Moves Like Mccart­ney’. Martina Navratilova vs Mar­garet Court. In a highly pub­li­cised war of words, Navratilova ob­jected to the nam­ing of Mar­garet Court Arena, ar­gu­ing that to do true jus­tice to the sport of ten­nis it should be called Mar­garet Court Court. In or­der to set­tle the dis­pute, au­thor­i­ties were forced to change it to a purely en­ter­tain­ment venue called Tina Arena Arena.

Joe co-hosts Stu­dio 10, 8.30am week­days, on Net­work Ten.

It doesn’t mat­ter what the fight is about. All that mat­ters is it’s on”

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