“Pull up a seat as I tell you the tale of the Magic Chair”
Gather round everyone y and I’ll tell you a tale of modern day magic gic that will astound you. You will probably obably pass this story on to the next generation. For it’s a cautionary ry tale of how seemingly harmless inanimate nanimate objects can nearly derail ail your entire life, taking your loved ones down with you.
It’s the tale of the Magic Chair (copyright yright pending).
We all have something like this in our house and we don’t know now it.
Let’s look ok to a decade ago. The year ar is 2008 and the world orld was a different place. lace. We had finished with th Myspace, moved onto o Facebook and the Prime me Minister was Kevin Rudd – the first time around.
My then n fiancée Lisa and I lived in a one-bedroom oom place with no car r space. It was great for us s and we had a nice dining ng table which was a feature re of our lounge/ dining/kitchen. chen. When people came me over and we needed to quickly clean up, my soon-to-be n-to-be bride would ask me to clear the table so *insert sert friend’s name here* could d dine with us. No p problemo. For I had discovered the Magic Chair. It was, to the untrained eye, a simple dining chair a at the end of the table which no-one eve ever sat in. But this supernatural seat could hold all our papers, lette letters and bills, and then be slid neatly back into position. Tab Table clean. Thanks Magic Chair. This worked so well that I became heavily reliant on the chair for my cleaning duties. Addicte Addicted if you will. It worked so well and it was such a seemingly easy solution solution. I should have sold it on an infomercial: “Act now and get a bonus table and chairs free! Never clean again!” The sun was shining two weeks before we were to meet at the altar and I was confident I’d convinced my betrothed that she had hit the jackpot. He sings. He can kind of dance and, most importantly, he can really clean a table. My iphone 3 rang and it was my sister wondering if she was still invited to our wedding. “Of course,” I insisted, starting to sweat. Damn you, Australia Post. Turns out about 10 or more invites were lost in transit. I couldn’t believe it. How am I supposed to trust this failing service?
It was after I told my fiancée about the call that we made the grim discovery.
In a haze of Magic Chair endorphins I had placed a bunch of envelopes containing our special-day details in my favourite place. Reality came bursting in. The spell had been broken. I felt foolish – exposed as the charlatan cleaner that I really was. I apologised and made sheepish contact with all those who’d been neglected to assure them they were indeed invited to our nuptials. I had hit my cleaning bottom and I’d admitted the problem.
Still today, when I see a side cupboard or footstool, I fight an urge to load it up with clothing or toys. Sometimes I do. You know, for old times’ sake. Lisa, now a decade away from the chair that shall not be named, just coughs or shakes her head.
Maybe one day it’ll return. Until then, I’d better clean off the dining table. David co-hosts Today Extra, 9am weekdays, on the Nine Network.
You’re part of a very exclusive club: women who have kissed Brad Pitt and had it immortalised onscreen. What are your memories of 1994 film Legends Of The Fall? I feel really lucky. It was an amazing time. But I’ve also really enjoyed the stuff that’s come through later and, in a funny way, I think there’s something about the mature supporting roles I’ve really enjoyed. I just feel really lucky to still be working. Stories like Legends Of The Fall and First Knight seem to have migrated from film to television. Are you a small-screen binge-watcher? I have a kid, and we’re huge fans of Doctor Who. We love Modern Family and silly comedies. But I tend to still watch more films than TV. The ’90s, the era in which you became a star, is a huge influence on the fashion world right now. At age 53, are there any fashion trends you’d like to see return? Or ones you never again want to see rear their heads? It’s not so much a fashion thing as a hairstyle: I never want to see that straight, forward fringe with the roll out. It looked atrocious on me and I fiercely defended it – I wish I hadn’t. I didn’t have it long, but it was long enough. And those big shoulder pads. That would be my go-to “please can we not go there again”. You stepped into Audrey Hepburn’s shoes for the remake of Sabrina. I don’t believe that anyone can step into her shoes. It was very intimidating and I just felt like I’d do a good job of the ugly duckling. I underestimated it – as a Brit who’d grown up in the world of theatre, where we redo classics again and again, and we’re quite excited and welcoming to see someone’s new performance. I think I somewhat misguidedly went, “That’s OK then.” It’s only once I got there and talked to people and they’d say, “That’s my favourite movie,” and I’d think, “Oh god.” What was being in Mad Men like? It seemed like you had a lot of fun as Megan Draper’s mother, Marie. I loved it; that was my first grandmother role. It’s one of the first times for me that I’ve gone and worked on a show I was completely crazy about and really admired and loved. It was an adult version of a kid going to Disneyland and discovering that Pluto and Goofy are real. It was a bit bizarre, but I loved it. It holds such a high bar in terms of the writing and the execution and period detail, but I just totally, totally loved it. I think [co-star] John Slattery can barely open his mouth without making people laugh. Was it hard not to fangirl and just keep touching Jon Hamm? Yes, he told me to stop doing that.