“How do I become a smooth dater?”
question: I like a girl who, I think, likes me. The problem is my confidence: I’m no smooth dater. Do I show I’m keen or play it cool? answer: You have to be yourself when dating. You’re sunk if you don’t: it will inevitably backfire on you. So firstly, you need honesty.
It’s okay to have a game plan when you’re dating, because being conscious of the impression you want to make will always lead to success.
Sure, some people stumble across the right partner and others make dating look like a walk in the park. But for most people, dating takes consideration: from what to wear, where to go on the first date and what to talk about to how slow or fast to take things.
Before the first date, you have to establish mutual interest and get her to agree to go out with you. Logic would say you couldn’t get there without showing her you’re keen. After all, if she knows you like her, her interest should be piqued. But new research reveals the opposite.
Experiments found that while women do become interested in men they know like them ( flattery can take you far), they become even more intrigued when they aren’t sure whether a man likes them or not.
If she’s not sure, a woman will wonder about the man, and the more time and energy she spends thinking about him, the more interested she becomes.
Perhaps you could employ both plans. Before declaring how keen you are, try more flirting and, without sending mixed signals, keep her uncertainty about your intentions going a little longer.
As soon as you feel it’s right, ask her out. If she says no, you’ve lost nothing. If she says yes, she’ll be excited by your eagerness, especially if she’s spent time wondering if you’re interested in her.
From there, all you have to wonder about is whether you want to keep dating. And from then on, no more games: it should be honesty all the way. + Dr Gabrielle Morrissey shares how to deal with relationship rejection at bodyandsoul.com.au