“How do I be­come a smooth dater?”

Sunday Mail - Body and Soul - - B+S ADVICE -

ques­tion: I like a girl who, I think, likes me. The prob­lem is my con­fi­dence: I’m no smooth dater. Do I show I’m keen or play it cool? an­swer: You have to be your­self when dat­ing. You’re sunk if you don’t: it will in­evitably back­fire on you. So firstly, you need hon­esty.

It’s okay to have a game plan when you’re dat­ing, be­cause be­ing con­scious of the im­pres­sion you want to make will al­ways lead to suc­cess.

Sure, some peo­ple stum­ble across the right part­ner and oth­ers make dat­ing look like a walk in the park. But for most peo­ple, dat­ing takes con­sid­er­a­tion: from what to wear, where to go on the first date and what to talk about to how slow or fast to take things.

Be­fore the first date, you have to es­tab­lish mu­tual in­ter­est and get her to agree to go out with you. Logic would say you couldn’t get there with­out show­ing her you’re keen. Af­ter all, if she knows you like her, her in­ter­est should be piqued. But new re­search re­veals the op­po­site.

Ex­per­i­ments found that while women do be­come in­ter­ested in men they know like them ( flat­tery can take you far), they be­come even more in­trigued when they aren’t sure whether a man likes them or not.

If she’s not sure, a woman will won­der about the man, and the more time and en­ergy she spends think­ing about him, the more in­ter­ested she be­comes.

Per­haps you could em­ploy both plans. Be­fore declar­ing how keen you are, try more flirt­ing and, with­out send­ing mixed sig­nals, keep her un­cer­tainty about your in­ten­tions go­ing a lit­tle longer.

As soon as you feel it’s right, ask her out. If she says no, you’ve lost noth­ing. If she says yes, she’ll be ex­cited by your ea­ger­ness, es­pe­cially if she’s spent time won­der­ing if you’re in­ter­ested in her.

From there, all you have to won­der about is whether you want to keep dat­ing. And from then on, no more games: it should be hon­esty all the way. + Dr Gabrielle Mor­ris­sey shares how to deal with re­la­tion­ship re­jec­tion at bodyand­soul.com.au

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