Sunday Mail - - OPINION -

When some­one asks how you are, you for­get it’s a form of greet­ing and think it’s an in­vi­ta­tion to tell them about your bad back. You sleep less and pee more. Peo­ple in au­thor­ity look ab­surdly young.

Skin starts to pucker like an ele­phant’s butt around your armpits and neck.

Your hus­band’s eye­brows start grow­ing out hor­i­zon­tally from his face.

And when he talks to you, he’s ei­ther peer­ing over the top of ugly spec­ta­cles (be­cause he’s bro­ken his nice ones and too stingy to in­vest in an­other pair) or he’s got them propped up on the top of his head like grandma used to do.

You be­gin to won­der whether spec­ta­cle chains are re­ally that bad.

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