Bourne to run

Sunday Tasmanian - Tassie Living - - Movies - LEIGH PAATSCH ab­duc­tion­the­film.com Now show­ing at Vil­lage Cine­mas

THIS ter­ri­ble, thrills-free thriller is all about strik­ing while the iron is plugged into the power socket.

The elec­tric­ity of the Twi­light phe­nom­e­non may have zapped Tay­lor Laut­ner to su­per star­dom but it sure ain’t gonna keep him there.

Once the Twi-hards grow up and go soft in the head for some other generic smoul­der­ing hunk, Laut­ner will be handed his one-way ticket straight on to DVD.

So the race is on for Hol­ly­wood to cash in be­fore this shoot­ing star to­tally flames out. En­ter Ab­duc­tion.

There’s no get­ting around the fact that this movie is as about as cut­tingedge as un­mowed grass and as dumb as a sack of bolts. Laut­ner plays Nathan, a tor­mented teen rebel who has been di­ag­nosed by his long-time shrink ( Sigour­ney Weaver) as suf­fer­ing from ‘‘ in­som­nia, im­pul­siv­ity and rage is­sues’’.

These symp­toms will also be­come fa­mil­iar to view­ers of Ab­duc­tion in the hours and days af­ter they have seen it.

Lit­er­ally min­utes af­ter Nathan dis­cov­ers his dad and mum ( Ja­son Isaacs and Maria Bello) are not his par­ents at all, some East­ern Euro­pean-ish mob­sters are knock­ing on the front door. Some fisticuffs and blam-blam-blams later, ev­ery­one ex­cept Nathan is dead and the house is blown to smithereens.

The first of many un­in­ten­tional laughs to be had in Ab­duc­tion tran­spires when Nathan is in­formed by a dy­ing hood­lum ‘‘ there is a bomb in the oven!’’ Nathan runs into the kitchen – to­wards the ex­plo­sives – opens the oven door, stares at the tick­ing de­vice within, then fi­nally de­cides to run for his life.

And in­deed it is run­ning for his life that oc­cu­pies Nathan’s min­i­mal IQ for the rest of the film.

With the cute girl across the street ( Lily Collins, pic­tured with Laut­ner) at his side, and both the bad­dest gang­ster in the world ( Girl With the Dragon Tat­too star Michael Nyqvist) and the en­tire CIA on his trail, Nathan be­comes the Ja­son Bourne of his lo­cal ju­nior high.

A foren­sic ex­am­i­na­tion of the wreck­age strewn about by Ab­duc­tion re­veals Laut­ner has a reper­toire of two fa­cial ex­pres­sions to get by be­fore the cam­eras.

His first, and favourite, roughly trans­lates as ‘‘ I have a stone in my shoe. And it is caus­ing me some dis­com­fort’’.

Laut­ner uses this look at ev­ery op­por­tu­nity, whether to con­vey the im­mense grav­ity of a heavy dra­matic sit­u­a­tion or per­haps or­der him­self some lunch.

The sec­ond look is used only spar­ingly, and goes some­thing like ‘‘ I no longer have a stone in my shoe. And, hey, you’re kind of hot!’’

The ladies love this one, and it gives them a fleet­ing glimpse of the happy, pheromon­ally fetch­ing Laut­ner they’d re­ally like to, you know, get to know.

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