Stuck in twilight zone
OK, Twilight fans. Come and get it.
Your second- last instalment in the saga is being served just the way you like it: drab to the eye, bland on the palate and roomtemperature at all times.
Non- Twilight fans rest assured, the series hasn’t suddenly got good when you weren’t looking.
So, what is the go with Breaking Dawn Part 1 ?
Well, like Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows, the Twilight producers have carved the franchise finale in two – mainly so they can double- dip into the purses of Twilight ’ s massive, predominantly tweenage fanbase. No real crime in that. The ‘‘ reel’’ crime is how little is allowed to happen in such a long running time. Proceedings get off to a promising, almost deceptively pacy start.
( Girls, don’t show up late. Taylor Lautner’s hunky werewolf Jacob is only seriously taking his shirt off just the once. This momentous event occurs inside the first minute. You have been warned.)
The opening act is quite rightly given over to the wedding everyone who ever bought a book by Stephenie Meyer has been waiting for.
The mortally foxy Bella ( Kristen Stewart) and the immortally vampiric pin- up Edward ( Robert Pattinson) finally tie the knot. This means, umm, they’re finally free to kiss ( and stuff) all they want. We used to have to wait an entire movie for that.
Then comes a short honeymoon in Brazil during which Bella falls pregnant, like, immediately. Then Edward, worried that breeding a bloodsucker may be too much for his human bride, quickly hauls her back to the House of Cullen in the woods. And then, nothing. Breaking Dawn Pt 1 dithers down into a disorienting drag. Kind of like being trapped in a working laundromat for the night. Everything is going around and around for no reason.
While Bella wastes away to a near- death state awaiting the birth, Edward and Jacob bicker, buddy- up and bicker some more.
The cliff- hanger ending, when it finally does lumber into view, is fairly out- there material by Twilight standards.
Rabid readers of the Twilight books already know all about Bella’s unusually problematic delivery of her first- born.
Let me assure any newbie Twi- hards, such a sight is not for the faint- hearted.
The series- closing Part 2 will be here this time next year. Only 300- and- something sleeps to go, then.
THE Twilight films are known for their dodgy dialogue, glittering vampires and screaming fans.
The Twilight soundtracks, however, are known for breaking small bands and launching music careers into the stratosphere.
Becoming a part of this blockbuster film series is a shrewd career move. It allows musicians to open themselves up to an entirely new and huge fan base.
It has worked wonders for Grizzly Bear, Bon Iver or Lykke Li.
Twilight is undoubtedly a magical kingmaker. Take Brooklyn- based cult rapper Theophilus London. Nothing about his swagger suggests he has even seen a Twilight movie and yet his urban electronic hip- hop joint Neighbors is really the only song here that approaches any level of sexiness. And that is kind of odd in itself seeing as this is the film where Edward and Bella finally get it on, I mean, get married.
The first three Twilight soundtracks dined out on their indie and alt- rock cred. Number four loosens those uber- cool ties a little with some excursions into pop.
The biggest name is doo- wop crooner Bruno Mars, who sounds about as tormented as he can manage on It Will Rain. He channels his inner Edward with lines like: ‘‘ Cause there’ll be no sunlight if I lose you.’’
Nicely aping the melodrama of the film is pop star Christina Perri and her swooning balladry. She certainly looks the part for this audience but might be a dash too sickly sweet.
Iron & Wine are back with a re- boot of Flightless Bird, American Mouth ( Wedding Version ). Not a catchy song title but it is a gorgeous love song that originally soundtracked Eddie and Bella’s slow dance at the prom.
The new version is drenched in strings for a lush tone and it has a slightly updated pace.
Aussie folk stars Angus and Julia Stone deliver what they always do, a shuffling, mellow, tender ballad; Joy Formidable kick things up a notch with pounding kickdrums and fuzzy guitars on Endtapes; but the Noisettes steal the show with Sister Rosetta, a gospel, punk and blues party that is a welcome reprieve from all of the weepy ballads.
Curiously absent are British prog- rock act Muse, widely known as the author’s favourite band while writing the original novel.
They have never had a Top- 30 hit single in America. But after appearing on the first three Twilight outings and enjoying a massive career boost, an association with Kate Hudson didn’t help sell out basketball stadiums on their last US tour. It’s fair to wonder what happened to sour the relationship.