It all looks very forced

Sunday Tasmanian - Tassie Living - - Eguide Movies - LEIGH PAATSCH

POOR old Phantom Men­ace is in­ter­galac­ti­cally re­garded as the worst ve­hi­cle to ever carry a Star Wars badge on its grille.

Now here it comes again, re­vers­ing into cine­mas with a bright and shiny new 3D paint job.

Ac­tu­ally, scratch the bit about bright and shiny. For the most part, the sludgy re- pro­cess­ing of the orig­i­nal 1999 footage leaves ev­ery­thing look­ing as if it was lensed through a wet, worn sock.

The film it­self re­mains as chunky and clunky an ori­gin story as you’ll en­counter.

Sure, it’s nice’n’all to be there when young Anakin Sky­walker ( Jake Lloyd) first meets his fu­ture men­tor Obi- Wan Kenobi ( Ewan Mc­gre­gor). Ditto the his­toric team­ing of R2- D2 and C- 3PO. And Liam Nee­son is still hold­ing the classi­est of straight faces in ridicu­lous cir­cum­stances as the no­ble Jedi Knight Qui- Gon.

But it’s not so nice with stinky Jar- Jar Binks cran­ing over ev­ery­one’s shoul­der, whoop­ing and whim­per­ing in that weird Rasta­far­ian- lep­rechaun ac­cent of his.

And the di­a­logue through­out the picture is so de­void of life you’d swear it was writ­ten with a ouija board.

The likes of Mc­gre­gor and Natalie Port­man must blush from top to toe when­ever they re­call mouthing a script that gave them the ap­pear­ance of talk­ing fence- posts.

Only one se­quence – the epic pod race on the planet Ta­tooine – goes close to mak­ing any worth­while use of the 3D for­mat.

The rest will only please Star War- ri­ors with too much time on their hands.

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