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Sunday Tasmanian - Tassie Living - - Movies - LEIGH PAATSCH

WHAT to ex­pect from What to Ex­pect

When You’re Ex­pect­ing when you ex­pect it to be ex­actly what you’re ex­pect­ing? ( In­sert preg­nant pause here.) Well, upon learn­ing that What to Ex­pect

When You’re Ex­pect­ing is based on the best­selling so - you’re - about - to - have your - first- baby man­ual of the same name, I thought it pru­dent to write down all of my ex­pec­ta­tions of the picture:

1. Up­beat mu­si­cal mon­tage of all sets of par­ents- to- be ex­pe­ri­enc­ing first ul­tra­sound check.

2. Mood- swing­ing preg­nant women tak­ing a swing at their hap­less part­ners.

3. Down­beat mu­si­cal mon­tage of at least one set of par­ents- to- be ex­pe­ri­enc­ing med­i­cal prob­lems.

4. Thin- look­ing preg­nant women com­plain­ing about how fat they look.

5. Their hap­less part­ners say­ing the wrong thing at ex­actly the right time.

6. Bla­tant prod­uct place­ment for ev­ery

brand in the baby- mak­ing busi­ness.

7. Lots of creepy la­tex plas­tic mummy-tum­mies ( the one spe­cial- ef­fect Hol­ly­wood may never per­fect).

8. Wacky mu­si­cal mon­tage of much huff­ing and puff­ing in the birthing cen­tre.

Yes, What to Ex­pect When You’re

Ex­pect­ing de­liv­ered all of the above. And yet, a whole lot less. There is no solid plot for What to Ex­pect

When You’re Ex­pect­ing. There are, how­ever, dot­ted - and- dashed plot lines that give all in­volved a lit­tle some­thing to do.

Cameron Diaz plays a newly knocked- up TV fit­ness glam azon.

She is not cool with hav­ing to buy a larger sports bra.

El­iz­a­beth Banks plays the newly knocked- up owner of a baby­wear shop. She is not cool with the tran­si­tion from ven­dor to breeder.

Anna Ken­drick plays a newly knockedup young food ven­dor. She is not cool with ev­ery­thing af­ter a one- night stand with a guy she can­not stand.

Oh, and Jen­nifer Lopez is in there some­where as well. She plays a baby pho­tog­ra­pher who is not with child per se, but she will soon be head­ing off to Africa to shop for one.

View­ers won’t recog­nise any of the trainee dads – aside from old Den­nis Quaid, whose young tro­phy wife is about to present him with twins.

Chris Rock leads a ‘‘ geek cho­rus’’ of ex­pe­ri­enced fa­thers who of­fer scary but­true ad­vice to any ner­vous new­bies nearby. Over­all, What to Ex­pect When You’re

Ex­pect­ing is merely an­other one of those warm-’ n’- fuzzy clumps of sit­com fluff, in which a large en­sem­ble of names can be­come en­tan­gled for no ap­par­ent rea­son.

Con­cep­tu­ally, it achieves the same ef­fect as a slow- mo head- on col­li­sion be­tween a shop­ping trol­ley and a pram. While no one gets hurt, there was re­ally no need for it to hap­pen.

EX­PECT THE EX­PECTED: Cameron Diaz and Matthew Mor­ri­son in What to Ex­pect When You’re Ex­pect­ing.

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